Thread: Let's Kul Tiras
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Old 10-17-2016, 07:55 PM
BaronGrackle BaronGrackle is offline

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Join Date: May 2012
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Exclamation

Issue: Rock 'N' Roll Suicide

The Issue
The nation is in mourning after beloved cultural icon Johnny Typhoon was found dead of apparent suicide in his westcoast beachhouse. New details have emerged that his eccentric and happy-go-lucky public persona was masking chronic depression, thrusting mental illness into the public spotlight.

1. “Clearly, Mr. Typhoon was suffering from severe depression,” says world-renowned psychiatrist Dr. Wil Steele. “This is symptomatic of a deep-seated epidemic of unreported mental illness across the Eastern Kingdoms. Mental health services have been underfunded for decades, and it is about time that the government stepped in to provide proper mental healthcare for the nation. We desperately need evidence based CBT, more psychiatrists, and proper education to finally rid ourselves of this stigma surrounding mental health. You can’t put a price on the nation’s wellbeing.”

2. “Johnny Typhoon’s death is a tragedy, but we all know his songs contained subliminal pro-suicide messages,” says moral crusader Marina Bergot, who is well known for egging blasphemers and burning effigies of politicians. “People across Kul Tiras now know that an idolized national treasure selfishly took his own life. What kind of message does that send, especially to kids? This shameless act is only going to convince them that suicide is cool. Suicide must be made illegal, and only the ultimate punishment will deter people from this sin. We need to teach our children that life, regardless of how much you’re suffering, is always the answer.”

3. “Haha, the freak finally did himself in. That’s very droll,” laughs insensitive city worker Frank the Peasant, who was recently laid off for making countless inappropriate jokes on the job. “Yes, of course people are down in this nation, but if you want to cheer us up, give the people a tax cut. Stop wasting money on welfare and all this mental health rubbish. Give us our money back, and we’ll make ourselves happy.”

4. “It’s a tragedy of course, but also an opportunity,” suggests professional spin doctor Collin Squintheart, handing you a bottle of fake tears. “If we play our cards right, we can create a distraction from hard-to-sell government policies. Make a speech with a single tear rolling down your cheek and visit the widow to bring a wreath and a spontaneous hug. We can make bad news work to improve your public image.”

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