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Old 05-05-2012, 12:13 AM
Bolvar Bolvar is offline

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Default Bolvar's Spoiler-Filled Review of The Avengers

I'm not using the spoiler tag here, because the review is gonna be full of spoilers.

Besides, it's 9:30 PM Pacific Time. If you haven't seen the film by now, or aren't presently sitting in the theater watching it, you fail at life, and deserve to have the film spoiled. You don't deserve any better.

To all the hipster douchenozzles who proclaim to be too cool to see this movie, and are waiting instead for some shit like Prometheus, kindly navigate your sad, pathetic lives away from my magnificent thread. There is no point in you being here. We're not ever going to agree. We're not ever going to like each other. And you're going to cling to your anti-establishment ideal until the day comes when you decide that permanent virginity sucks and you want to emerge from your cloistered hole where you hate everything that is good and awesome and worth living on this planet for.

***

I can really find only one fault in the film. I didn't like the take on Captain America. Cap came across a little weak to me, to be honest. He starts out brooding and whiny, then suddenly (and inexplicably) expects everyone on the team to just follow orders and go with the program (makes no sense against his earlier sullenness), and really just seems to struggle with getting his shit together. His gravitation to the leadership role feels forced, and the character lacks the confidence and conviction he had during The First Avenger. Honestly, Whedon fucked up here.

That said, the rest was near perfect. I would have preferred a little more in the way of Thor's introduction; he literally just drops in out of nowhere - I get that they didn't want to pay for a 2 minute Asgard scene where Heimdall tells Odin that Loki has gone off the leash, and Odin conjures up some desperate means to ship Thor back to Earth... instead, we get Loki explaining it in ten seconds of dialogue... but I'm nitpicking.

The rest was impossibly good.

I expected Hawkeye to be the weak link in the film. Instead, he was insanely awesome. Jeremy Renner was staggeringly good.

I expected the Black Widow to just be an excuse for eye candy. Instead, she was portrayed as a brilliantly manipulative spy (my only beef being the scene where she loses her composure in the presence of the Hulk on the helicarrier).

I had almost no expectations from Ruffalo. I really liked Norton's take on the character of Bruce Banner, but found his replacement to be satisfactory. More importantly, his CGI counterpart was finally the Hulk we all wanted to see.

Of course, Robert Downey Jr. was brilliant. If there's ever an Iron Man reboot, we're all screwed, because I can't imagine another actor playing Tony Stark. He's just so damned good.

Samuel L. Jackson delivers a much more complex Nick Fury in this film; decisive, manipulative, and confident enough to handle a room full of the most brilliant and powerful personas on the planet. I think people take for granted how difficult that is to pull off convincingly.

Hiddleston's Loki is once again every bit as brilliant, mad, and nuanced as he was in Thor.

Clark Gregg was outstanding as Agent Coulson (again). One of my favorite characters in the Thor and Iron Man movies. I honestly hope he's not really dead - a potentially intriguing plot point for the Avengers sequel...

Aside from what I see as a flawed delivery on the part of the characterization of Captain America, the movie really does a fantastic job of maintaining continuity with all of the films that have led up to it - which is really no easy task.

It starts with the movie's "MacGuffin"... the tesseract that was briefly featured in the Thor film but held a prominent part in The First Avenger. We see a very organic transition from what the device was capable of in the hands of a Nazi mad scientist to what its true power really is, and it seems to fit. Sure, the Red Skull and Arnim Zola were able to craft fantastic weaponry and bombs from the energy it contained, but, as should be expected, that proves to have been a rather limited ambition.

What matters is that it's an established and familiar device, and it enjoys almost as much character development as the actors themselves. It's always tricky to introduce world-breaking super weapons into a story without them coming across as entirely implausible, but it's a little easier to accept when you've seen the item in two previous films.

So, while some may piss and moan about the recycled plot device that opens the cliched portal through which unspeakable certain doom will emerge, I had no problem with it.

Because, ultimately, all of this led to one thing:

A fantastic sequence of superhero action unlike anything that has ever been put on film before.

There was Thor, swinging and flinging Mjolnir like a boss, calling down lightning and cracking skulls with reckless abandon.

There was Captain America, taking on hordes of aliens with nothing but a his shield and his fists.

There was Iron Man, arguably the most tactically potent weapon of the group, burning through two suits of armor as he engaged in fantastic aerial combat.

There was the Hulk, literally an unstoppable force of nature. I give you the money shot:



That's the Hulk, beating Loki into the floor like a rag doll. You cannot measure how incredibly awesome that was on-screen. It was vintage Hulk - grab the bad guy and literally beat the ever loving shit out of him. There's just no counter for it. Which is sort of the point of the Hulk in the first place.

There were other moments. The Black Widow finding ways to make herself useful in spite of the obvious fact that she was the most poorly suited for open combat. Hawkeye making impossibly super-human shots with a bow and arrow. All together, it was nearly flawless.

Make sure you sit through the credits. It's worth it.

I didn't see it in 3D, but I'm thinking of splurging on the IMAX 3D presentation in a week or so; only because that's the only option I have to see it on an enormous IMAX screen.

I like who they have lined up for the villain in the sequel. I like that they sent Loki, Thor, and the tesseract back to Asgard. I like that Coulson's death was left with just a hint of possibility that it might have been another Nick Fury mind game.

Pepper Potts had just enough screen time to make Paltrow's appearance worthwhile. I'm kind of glad they glossed over Portman's character. I sort of wish we had seen Sharon Carter.

I imagine this one will set a few records. It's just that good. I'll be taking the family to see it at least once more in the theaters.
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Old 05-05-2012, 12:25 AM
Porimlys Porimlys is offline
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Hi, I didn't read any of your post.

Avengers lived up to my wildest expectations and I loved every second of it. The amount of Avenger v Avenger combat that took place warmed my heart something fierce and caused intense bouts of what could only be described as "Nerdgasms". The Hulk was absolutely wonderful, which pleased me but didn't necessarily surprise me. As a main character in his own movie, his character just doesn't really work. I don't think it ever will, but as a character in an ensemble cast, he works brilliantly. His action scenes were just... wow. Wow. There's not enough time for me to properly convey how much I thoroughly enjoyed this. I didn't even get up to pee! And it may interest you to know I have a notoriously small bladder.

I'm still shaking off the shivers from that long shot through the city visiting each of the Avengers as they kick ass and take names in their own, special little ways.


BRING ON THANOS.
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Old 05-05-2012, 01:09 AM
Commander Rotal Commander Rotal is offline

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Originally Posted by Bolvar View Post
shit like Prometheus
Prometheus looks awesome.

Quote:
I can really find only one fault in the film. I didn't like the take on Captain America. Cap came across a little weak to me, to be honest. He starts out brooding and whiny, then suddenly (and inexplicably) expects everyone on the team to just follow orders and go with the program (makes no sense against his earlier sullenness), and really just seems to struggle with getting his shit together. His gravitation to the leadership role feels forced, and the character lacks the confidence and conviction he had during The First Avenger. Honestly, Whedon fucked up here.
I didn't get that feeling AT ALL. From the looks of it he hasn't been in the future for too long by the time the movie starts, and he is expected to work with the likes of Tony Stark, a man at the same time very like and unlike Howard Stark. Tony is reckless, arogant, has a superiority-complex (and the worst part is that it's justified and he knows it) and, Cap is right there - at this moment, the Movie Iron Man is NOT a superhero. He's a guy using his toy for fun and occaisonally for good when it suits him. Most of the time Tony gets dragged into his fights in the movies or is correcting stuff that happened because of him. Of course Cap doesn't like him at first, and in combination with Shield lieing to him, an Alien stealing a perpetuum mobile from under said Shields nose to do god-knows what AND the fact that he's stranded in the future.... are you really surprised that he isn't on top of his game in the first hour? MY problem with a good part of the first 30 to 40 minutes is that it's incredibly lengthy and boring. The movie really starts to kick ass when they bring in Loki. Honestly they could've cut A LOT before that.
Oh, and that Leadership-thing? Cap is the field commander, not the boss. That's Nick Fury. But SOMEONE has to take command in the field and if you look at it you only two options. Black Widow is no soldier but a spy; very capable of doing her job, but fighting or leading a war isn't her job. The Hulk is... well, the Hulk. He's essentially a living bowling ball that needs little more than A) a direction and b) something to smash. Tony Stark is very powerful but no soldier (he even says so numerous times during the film) with no military training at all. Thor could be a potential candidat for the leadership role, but he seems to be content with taking orders when he knows there's someone better in charge. That's part of his character development from his own movie and aside from his wish tobring in Loki to Asgard alive despite the humans attempts to capture him, everything else would be out of character.
That really only leaves Cap and Hawkeye. Hawkeye's not only brainwashed for most of the time (i applaud the trailer for not spoiling that because walking in i had no idea that'd happen), he's also lower in rank than Cap. And the most important part: Cap is WILLING to take the lead because that's what he's used to. He is CAPTAIN America, not Ensign America or Lieutenant America. Every team, even when all of it's parts are equal (and they really did a marvelous job giving everyone roughly the same ammount of screentime, maybe with the exception of the Hulk, but he gets the best scenes), one has to lead, and Cap is a natural leader. Well, gas/gamma-ray-build-natural leader, but you get what i mean.

Quote:
That said, the rest was near perfect. I would have preferred a little more in the way of Thor's introduction; he literally just drops in out of nowhere - I get that they didn't want to pay for a 2 minute Asgard scene where Heimdall tells Odin that Loki has gone off the leash, and Odin conjures up some desperate means to ship Thor back to Earth... instead, we get Loki explaining it in ten seconds of dialogue... but I'm nitpicking.
Have to totally agree with this - rest's awesome, but there's a good explanation for this. I don't think money was the concern for this; they could've reused a really short shot from Thor without anyone caring. It's more that all of that was established in the stand alone movies. The Avengers allready is too long as it is. My ass hurt when i walked out.

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(my only beef being the scene where she loses her composure in the presence of the Hulk on the helicarrier).
I found that very satisfying. Besides being all kinds of badass she's still human. It's a very, VERY important thing to let all the normal humans not forget the fact they ARE normal humans. It makes them more realistic. Iron Man has his suit, Cap has his Shield, Thor has...is Thor. Nick Fury, Hawkeye and Black Widow, though, have no protection against an angry Hulk besides hiding. Being in the same room as an angry Hulk is literally more dangerous (and therefore more terrifying) than fighting a whole army led by a powerhungry, insane god. I think she did a great job just by not dieing of a heart attack in that situation.

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I had almost no expectations from Ruffalo. I really liked Norton's take on the character of Bruce Banner, but found his replacement to be satisfactory. More importantly, his CGI counterpart was finally the Hulk we all wanted to see.
Speak for yourself, grumpy old man; Banner was good but i hate recasts. Should've gone without Banner and just keeping a CGI Hulk. And the CGI sucks, as allways. Should've called the guys that did the Ang Lee-Hulk. He looked more realistic AND more like the Hulk than Nortons' or this one. But at least the Hulk makes up for that by having the best scenes in the movie.

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Make sure you sit through the credits. It's worth it.
They cut out the Restaurant-scene in Austria. We DID sit through the credits and nothing happened besides the scene where angry guys talks to really-angry guy.

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I didn't see it in 3D, but I'm thinking of splurging on the IMAX 3D presentation in a week or so; only because that's the only option I have to see it on an enormous IMAX screen.
Don't bother. 3D needs to die a horrible, slow and agonizing death. The best thing i have to say about it in this movie was that it was so unnoticable that at times i actually forgot i was wearing that stupid-ass goggles and was wondering how that scene would've looked in 3D. The shot from Nick Fury standing on his glass bridge comes to mind, for example.
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Old 05-05-2012, 02:52 AM
Stackattack Stackattack is offline

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i agree with bolvar's review, especially with the part about captain america - i did find cap a bit lackluster. hawkeye was quite impressive, as was black widdow. and loki is just pure awesomeness, the guy playing him really captured a soul of both trickster and vain god in thor aswell as in avengers.


oh and i also loved the story. some of the stuff i don't understand - loki knew how powerfull hulk was, right? yet, he still decided to invade earth? how did he plan on getting rid of him exactly? and, how come hulk is unable to focus his rage when on shield's flying fortress, and yet in new york he can?
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Old 05-05-2012, 02:59 AM
Commander Rotal Commander Rotal is offline

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loki knew how powerfull hulk was, right?
He was a bit stressed at that point and did something stupid. Loki loves a good show - the big "I'm a god"-speach is his trademark. The Hulk is also something new for him - he may have known how strong he is, but he couldn't have possibly known HOW strong. Loki has a superiority complex because he's an asgardian, don't forget that.

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yet, he still decided to invade earth? how did he plan on getting rid of him exactly?
Same reason as above, also while invading earth he would've had an army. The Hulk isn't unstoppable, he probably was planning on just tireing him out.
That or he'd pulled a Planet Hulk.

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and, how come hulk is unable to focus his rage when on shield's flying fortress, and yet in new york he can?
On the Airship the transformation was due to stress and involuntary. In New York he deliberately let the Hulk loose. It's implied in the ending on The incredible Hulk that Banner now has more controll over the Hulk if the change comes on purpose; the Avengers seems to operate on that assumption as well.
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Old 05-05-2012, 03:08 AM
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thanks for the answers ;D
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Old 05-05-2012, 03:16 AM
Nozdormu Nozdormu is offline

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The movie was awesome, enough said. I'm pissed at myself for not sitting through the credits though.
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Old 05-05-2012, 03:21 AM
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I was confused at how they were communicating at the end there. Captain America practically muttered "do it" at the end, yet Black Widow totally heard him.
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Old 05-05-2012, 03:23 AM
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I was confused at how they were communicating at the end there. Captain America practically muttered "do it" at the end, yet Black Widow totally heard him.
Ear pieces. We have very little phones even today that are not bigger than the ear they're tucked onto; presumably a made up organization like Shield with all that unrealistic tech can make headsets that fit into your ear ^^
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Old 05-05-2012, 03:27 AM
Porimlys Porimlys is offline
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Ear pieces. We have very little phones even today that are not bigger than the ear they're tucked onto; presumably a made up organization like Shield with all that unrealistic tech can make headsets that fit into your ear ^^
Well sure, it could be a lot of things, it just irked me a bit that they didn't even attempt to explain it lol
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Old 05-05-2012, 03:43 AM
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They don't need to. Having the team have hands-free, easy to hide short range communication is a bit of a no-brainer.
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Old 05-05-2012, 03:54 AM
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The movie was awesome, enough said. I'm pissed at myself for not sitting through the credits though.
Yeah. I was told to leave when I tried to see the Thor after-credits scene. Goddamn bullshit. Good thing I stuck around this time
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Old 05-05-2012, 07:08 AM
spidey1980 spidey1980 is offline

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They cut out the Restaurant-scene in Austria. We DID sit through the credits and nothing happened besides the scene where angry guys talks to really-angry guy.
They didn't cut anything. The after credits scene wasn't IN the overseas release in the first place.
Mainly because they only shot it like three weeks ago after the world premiere in L.A.
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Old 05-05-2012, 07:10 AM
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They didn't cut anything. The after credits scene wasn't IN the overseas release in the first place.
Mainly because they only shot it like three weeks ago after the world premiere in L.A.
Explains why I didn't see it.
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Old 05-05-2012, 08:11 AM
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I can really find only one fault in the film. I didn't like the take on Captain America. Cap came across a little weak to me, to be honest. He starts out brooding and whiny, then suddenly (and inexplicably) expects everyone on the team to just follow orders and go with the program (makes no sense against his earlier sullenness), and really just seems to struggle with getting his shit together. His gravitation to the leadership role feels forced, and the character lacks the confidence and conviction he had during The First Avenger. Honestly, Whedon fucked up here.
I think that's because they wanted to have a little more of a "fish out of water" vibe with him in the beginning. It's not so much that he was "whiny" inasmuch as he was "confused", but when he realizes that, hey, guns still shoot and fascists still goosestep, he figures things out quick enough.

Quote:
That said, the rest was near perfect. I would have preferred a little more in the way of Thor's introduction; he literally just drops in out of nowhere - I get that they didn't want to pay for a 2 minute Asgard scene where Heimdall tells Odin that Loki has gone off the leash, and Odin conjures up some desperate means to ship Thor back to Earth... instead, we get Loki explaining it in ten seconds of dialogue... but I'm nitpicking.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Thor imply that he had stayed on Earth for the length of time following his movie? The whole "Earth is under my protection" thing.

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I expected Hawkeye to be the weak link in the film. Instead, he was insanely awesome. Jeremy Renner was staggeringly good.
Renner's Hawkeye was good, though personally I'd rather they have gone with the Ultimate version of the character where he's just a marksman rather than an archer. It's a little silly to see the whole "trick arrows" shit. Just use a gun. Also, the "can be knocked out of mind control by hitting his head" bit left a bad taste in my mouth.

I also wasn't a fan of how they handled the Chitauri. They looked nothing like the Skrulls (come on, would those chin-ridges be too much to ask for) nor did they utilize any shapeshifting powers, and I wasn't really sure if they were organic, cybernetic or robotic. Part of that, I feel, is due to their design, being wholly a drab gunmetal to the point where you can't make out any detail on their figure. A stylish villain like Loki should have some equally stylish henchmen, especially when they're based off an existing race from the comics.



BTW, thanks for finding that hulk gif. Ever since I saw it in the theater I wanted to turn that into a "party hard" gif.
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Old 05-05-2012, 08:28 AM
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Thor imply that he had stayed on Earth for the length of time following his movie? The whole "Earth is under my protection" thing.
At the end of Thor, Bifrst is destroyed, trapping Thor on Asgard.

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Old 05-05-2012, 08:30 AM
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A the end of Thor, Bifrst is destroyed, trapping Thor on Asgard.
Odin did it.
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Old 05-05-2012, 10:05 AM
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Spoiler!:

Thanos is in the after-credits scene.

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To all the hipster douchenozzles who proclaim to be too cool to see this movie, and are waiting instead for some shit like Prometheus, kindly navigate your sad, pathetic lives away from my magnificent thread. There is no point in you being here. We're not ever going to agree. We're not ever going to like each other. And you're going to cling to your anti-establishment ideal until the day comes when you decide that permanent virginity sucks and you want to emerge from your cloistered hole where you hate everything that is good and awesome and worth living on this planet for.



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Originally Posted by Bolvar View Post
I would have preferred a little more in the way of Thor's introduction; he literally just drops in out of nowhere - I get that they didn't want to pay for a 2 minute Asgard scene where Heimdall tells Odin that Loki has gone off the leash, and Odin conjures up some desperate means to ship Thor back to Earth... instead, we get Loki explaining it in ten seconds of dialogue... but I'm nitpicking.
They need to leave themselves a door open for some tie-in comics, of course.

And how did Bolvar's kids like the movie?

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Old 05-05-2012, 10:17 AM
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Spoiler!:

Thanos is in the after-credits scene.
Thanos runs a shawarma restaurant?


Now I want shawarma. Eh, a gyro's close enough.
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Old 05-05-2012, 11:59 AM
Commander Rotal Commander Rotal is offline

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Coming out of the theater i've got good news for Pory: they actually DID establish the mini-earpieces. Natasha presses her hand against it to respond to the bridge during the Airship attack.

Saw it in german this time. Gotta say, the loca is crap as expected.
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Old 05-05-2012, 12:21 PM
Porimlys Porimlys is offline
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Coming out of the theater i've got good news for Pory: they actually DID establish the mini-earpieces. Natasha presses her hand against it to respond to the bridge during the Airship attack.

Saw it in german this time. Gotta say, the loca is crap as expected.
Still, Cap'n didn't put his hand up to his ear at the end >.>
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Old 05-05-2012, 12:28 PM
Commander Rotal Commander Rotal is offline

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He's got a bathing cap with a probably more advanced version. But since i prefer my explanations simple: he's most likely on constant open line with her. He's not only the field commander giving orders, he's also the only one on the ground besides Black Widow aka partnered with her to fight in the same general area.
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Old 05-05-2012, 12:33 PM
Porimlys Porimlys is offline
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He's got a bathing cap with a probably more advanced version. But since i prefer my explanations simple: he's most likely on constant open line with her. He's not only the field commander giving orders, he's also the only one on the ground besides Black Widow aka partnered with her to fight in the same general area.
His hood wasn't up!
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Old 05-05-2012, 12:56 PM
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His hood wasn't up!
Cybernetic implant? Who's to say Shield didn't stuff something into him when he was being thawed out.
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Old 05-05-2012, 01:02 PM
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Who's to say
The people who wrote the screenplay! And they didn't say!

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