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  #26  
Old 06-03-2011, 12:06 AM
Defiler Defiler is offline

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Originally Posted by DarkAngel View Post
You're still alive? It's been what, a year? Perhaps you, like me, can't stand to leave anything unfinished. No matter. It's good to see you back.

Review: An approaching shadow

I remember your "waterfall" style, but this passage shows some interesting notes. I suspect the phrase "currently being rebuilt" is attempting to approximate a Lithuanian word with no English equivalent. This happens often in translation, and usually it means some other means is used express it. You also might give more consideration to how your ideas should be grouped into sentences. If I may take the liberty of rewording your work to a more conventional English format, it would read as follows:


With that out of the way, I'll lay off the conventions for a while. Experienced chess players nearly always beat inexperienced ones, regardless of analytical skill. I can't fault you for not growing up with this. From here on, I will focus on the story.
  • You already mention the mysterious travelers are all wearing dark cloaks. It's redundant to say so again.
  • On meeting a Blood Elf, usually the first feature you notice is the glowing, fel-green eyes. You don't even mention it here.
  • The question would typically be "have you encountered these persons?"
  • "we didn't encounter the group you describe"
  • I think the phrase is to "reek havoc."
  • This agent seems very focused on his hunt. Sounds like a vendetta.
  • "He was about to kill him, but as he begun to conjure a fire bolt in his free arm, one of his companions suddenly stepped forward and grabbed it."
  • "Zal'jin then took off his hood. His most obvious feature was"
  • Dark Troll? Strange to see them in civilized company. There is a story to this, I expect. (Zandalari?)

That's all I have time for now. Actually, your English has improved quite a bit since you started. Back then, it was painful to read. Now, I find myself enjoying it. Still, I strongly recomend reading as many English-language books as you can get your hands on. Experience, as I said.

As always, thank you for your time. It seems you still have no problems finding loads of mistakes, that makes me sad :/ I even tried to fix some of them. I guess I do unconsciously think in my own language and write in English. But in my opinion that's more or less natural. Hmm..about the blood elf fel-iron eyes, yes..i seem to have missed that obvious feature, thus I added it. And you'll find more about the hunt in the future chapters I guess. About Zal'jin..well he's a character I recently came up with, without thinking much and he just..naturally manifested while I was writing somehow turning into a part of the story that I personally like and adore (more or less). He's bad ass in other words

Oh and about the "took OFF" his hood..forgot one f, ups. I guess I'm laid back more then I should be
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Last edited by Defiler; 06-03-2011 at 06:50 AM..
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  #27  
Old 06-03-2011, 07:52 PM
DarkAngel DarkAngel is offline

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Originally Posted by Defiler View Post
I guess I do unconsciously think in my own language and write in English. But in my opinion that's more or less natural.
That's entirely normal. I do the same thing in my Spanish studies.

The sudden appearance of Lyria prompted me to go back and read everything. Dear God, you've written a lot! It's much more than I could ever hope to edit. A few overall points stick out to me, mostly in regards to lore. First, the Syndicate wears orange bandannas owing to their orgins in Alterac. It's the Defias who wear red. Second, the Orcs have only been on Azeroth for thirty years, so no "centuries." Finally, the wizards working with an altar of storms would be warlocks, not shaman.

I also note that you've developed a comedic tone not apparent before. I like it, but some of your narrations sound like they came out of a comic book. Your style is entirely up to you, of course.

Restricting myself to the last chapter:
  • I have no knowledge of Lithuanian literary conventions, but in English, everything except dialogue should be in the past tense.
  • Did Erland and Lyria kill the doomguard Defiler summoned to fight the Blackrock?
  • About these "personas" that keep popping up. In English, this word refers to the presence a person projects. I think the word you want would be "figures," though "people" or "beings" would work too.
  • Defiler keeps using soulshards, but never seems to collect them. Isn't he running out by now?
  • "Hanged" in an intersting case of irregular verbs. In the usual sense suspension, the past tense is "hung." "Hanged" is the past tense of the execution method specifically.
  • Defiler seems to recover awfully fast after several full minutes of unspeakable agony. Shouldn't he be dazed somehow?
  • How did Delorian meet a Night Elf before the Third War?
  • "Stroke" is an noun. "Struck" is a verb.

On the whole, it was an enjoyable read. You're gettin better with every post.

A few other things I forgot:
  • You might want to go back through your previous posts and look at how many 'offs' are missing an f. There were a lot of those.
  • Yes, the correct plural of 'dwarf' is dwarfs. However, J.R.R. Tolkien disagreed. He felt the word should follow the same convention as 'leaf' and 'half.' His work was so influential that 'dwarves' is usually used in the context of fantasy.
  • And finally, Rape as Backstory is usually frowned upon because it gets overused.
  • And about those extra Kirin Tor agents, thanks for Hanging a Lampshade on it.
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  #28  
Old 06-04-2011, 03:18 AM
Defiler Defiler is offline

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Originally Posted by DarkAngel View Post
That's entirely normal. I do the same thing in my Spanish studies.

The sudden appearance of Lyria prompted me to go back and read everything. Dear God, you've written a lot! It's much more than I could ever hope to edit. A few overall points stick out to me, mostly in regards to lore. First, the Syndicate wears orange bandannas owing to their orgins in Alterac. It's the Defias who wear red. Second, the Orcs have only been on Azeroth for thirty years, so no "centuries." Finally, the wizards working with an altar of storms would be warlocks, not shaman.

I also note that you've developed a comedic tone not apparent before. I like it, but some of your narrations sound like they came out of a comic book. Your style is entirely up to you, of course.

Restricting myself to the last chapter:
  • I have no knowledge of Lithuanian literary conventions, but in English, everything except dialogue should be in the past tense.
  • Did Erland and Lyria kill the doomguard Defiler summoned to fight the Blackrock?
  • About these "personas" that keep popping up. In English, this word refers to the presence a person projects. I think the word you want would be "figures," though "people" or "beings" would work too.
  • Defiler keeps using soulshards, but never seems to collect them. Isn't he running out by now?
  • "Hanged" in an intersting case of irregular verbs. In the usual sense suspension, the past tense is "hung." "Hanged" is the past tense of the execution method specifically.
  • Defiler seems to recover awfully fast after several full minutes of unspeakable agony. Shouldn't he be dazed somehow?
  • How did Delorian meet a Night Elf before the Third War?
  • "Stroke" is an noun. "Struck" is a verb.

On the whole, it was an enjoyable read. You're gettin better with every post.

A few other things I forgot:
  • You might want to go back through your previous posts and look at how many 'offs' are missing an f. There were a lot of those.
  • Yes, the correct plural of 'dwarf' is dwarfs. However, J.R.R. Tolkien disagreed. He felt the word should follow the same convention as 'leaf' and 'half.' His work was so influential that 'dwarves' is usually used in the context of fantasy.
  • And finally, Rape as Backstory is usually frowned upon because it gets overused.
  • And about those extra Kirin Tor agents, thanks for Hanging a Lampshade on it.

Ok then. The lore fixes are noted, my bad. I guess I'm not that good at the specifics, just a fan of the atmosphere etc. Too bad for me. And yes, I guess I did write ...a lot It's like 54 pages in word. I have recently begun to do some minor fixes from the beginning. I probably wont remake most of my story since it's too much work and I don't have that much time..yet. In the future we'll see. (Yes, I agree that at the beginning my writing was ..horrible.) Now about the small problems you found. Firstly, Erland and Lyria defeated the doomguard summoned by an enemy warlock, I guess I didn't write that, but I did wrote that the doogmuard was summoned at the front lines of the ORCS, and...if it would be defilers I would have written so, as I did later, when describing his summons. The personas...that's not an English word I think..I don't even know anymore from what language I picked that up or ...mutated it into something. That's my bad again.
Now the soulshards..yes, hmm, I guess I did make a mistake there, with not telling how he's getting them, but if you would read the story from the beginning again, you would notice that he did not use them so often as you described. Usually one at a time and only now he used more then one. Thus it's not such a big problem.
After the ritual, I wanted to show as to..what power he received, since even after suffering for such a long time, he could already get up and could feel any kind of fatigue vanish in a meter of moments. Well maybe I couldn't show that properly.
About Defilers and Nayras past story. Great that you noticed. And yes I admit that..that was my miscalculation. But it all turned out for the better.

Now the past two things you noticed. The story behind Lyria and the two "missing agents". Ha..kinda harsh. Yes the back story to Lyria is cliche and overused, but let's just say that it's not all that it seems to be(gonna make it even more cliche..). And the two agents..all is as it should be, they had this specific role, because they will have one in the future, at least I'm planning to give them one. There's a reason for the "hanging a lampshade" It's not that negative as described in the link :/

P.S. I don't want you to edit all of my work. It's already painful as is Plus I'm the one who should do the editing of my own work, which I'm doing bit by bit, I hope that in the future I'll be able to spot and fix most of the problems present.
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Last edited by Defiler; 06-04-2011 at 09:13 AM..
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  #29  
Old 06-04-2011, 05:57 AM
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The conclusion

Erland dashed towards Zal'jin, who instead of wasting any more spears, took up his sword again and prepared for the incoming attack. But the attack did not come as predicted, Erland, when close enough to strike, avoided Zal'jins swing and slid through the opening between the huge trolls legs, then quickly stood up behind him. This time his strike at Zal'jins side was successful, as he stabbed him, but not deep enough as his target managed to dodge the lethal attack, by spinning to the opposite directionf of the stab. At the same time Zal'jin counterattacked with a swing, which went and inch above Erlands head, cutting his hood, which surprisingly – was still on (well most of it anyway). After that the rogue tried to attack Zal'jins legs, but wasn't fast enough and at the same time made a mistake – the troll threw his lower body backwards, falling down on the undead, with his sword falling down right on top of this head at a dreadfully fast speed – which prevented Erland from using this opportunity to seriously wound the troll, but he did manage to scratch his shoulder, while dodging the attack, with a side-flip. Erland, after managing to dodge the previous attack, turned around and swung his right hand dagger at the troll, with the idea of catching the troll in mid-air, but failed, as the troll quickly took control of his body with one hand on the ground and parrying the incoming attack, jumping backwards in an instant after that. Both of the fighters out of breath(well..undead don't need to breathe, but they do get tired..a little) after such a wonderful display of lightning speed close combat, looking at each other from a whole different perspective and a slight hint of respect.

While the two were catching their breath, let's quickly look over what happened during their fight.
Lyria started bombarding Quin'dalin with shadow and bolts of light, which were not very successful, as the blood elf mage quickly shielded himself in a sphere of ice, which absorbed most of the damage and deflected the rest by countering with his own spells. After that he quickly teleported near Lyria and released a wave of fire to all sides, blowing her away a few meters and making her fall to the ground, but luckily – with her shield still intact. She quickly got up and continued her bombardment, now even using her dark rays of shadow, which missed or were blocked with other spells. Things could have gone out of hand if not for an expected guest.

Defiler suddenly interfered and blew Quin'dalin away with a shadow ball, which exploded right under his feet.
“Go support Erland, he seems to be having some trouble” - Defiler said.
Lyria stood there for a while and then ran to Erlands side.
“So you're her guardian or something now?” - Quin'dalin asked.
Defiler remained silent, with flickering bolts of fire on each of his left hand fingers, ready to be thrown any time, like bullets, getting ready to be fired.
“Did she tell you her story? How her husband ended up?” - Quin'dalin continued to taunt, while preparing for the spell fight himself, ice and fire swirling around him.
“As a matter of fact, she did. And that you were the one who killed him” - Defiler replied, and started shooting fire balls at the elf, while summoning a felguard in an instant with his right arm (even with the staff in it), who quickly charged at the command of it's master, at the mage.
“What? I did not..” - Quin'dalin tried to say, but did not have the time, as he had to dodge and deflect the incoming barrage of fire, while countering with balls of fire and ice, quickly disposing of the incoming minion, who was no match against his high level magic.
“That's all you've got?” - Quin'dalin asked with a smile on his face.
“What were you trying to say?” - Defiler asked, ignoring the taunt.
“That Lyria was the one who killed her husband, not me. I was his closest friend” - Quin'dalin answered and then started to conjure a large ball of fire (larger then you are imagining). Which he then quickly threw at Defiler, following with a barrage of arcane energies.

Defiler did not seem to be intimidated, as he pointed out one finger and with a swing, released shadow, which sliced the ball of fire in half, making it explode, before reaching Defiler. The explosion was large enough, to absorb most of the arcane barrage, the mage released, and the remaining part was deflected. After that Defiler quickly casted a summoning spell and this time three small portals opened, with a felguard from each one of them, followed by felhunters. The mage quickly conjured a dozen balls of frost in front of him, drifting in mid air, waiting to be released, and released they were at the incoming minions, but before impact, every last of them exploded, releasing a rain of ice needles, which pierced the minions and killed each and every one of them. After that, Quin'dalin quickly raised his hands and started releasing waves of ice and fire at Defiler's direction, each and every wave exploding and expanding into more, creating a sort of an avalanche, which did seem hard to dodge or deflect.

Defiler did not run, he quickly stabbed his staff into the ground, leaving it standing and then, with his hands towards the lower part of the incoming attack, slowly lifting them, creating a huge wall of fire, which he then pushed forward and collided it with the incoming attack, creating a big explosion, which absorbed both of the spells.
“Enough games” - Defiler then suddenly said.
He started swinging his hands, forming circles in air, and a bolt of shadow, after bolt of shadow started appearing, one after another until there were a couple dozens of them. Then he suddenly stopped and released all of them towards the blood elf mage, but he did not end it at that, after that he quickly started conjuring fire balls, which were also sent to their target.

Quin'dalin did not panic, he quickly reacted, by trying to counterattack the incoming wave of shadow bolts, by expanding defensive walls of ice in front of him, and even sending bolts of fire, barely managing to keep the attack from reaching him, but while he was occupied with doing so, he failed to notice balls of fire incoming from both of his sides, which collided with him, shattering his ice shield, inflicting heavy damage and creating a large explosion, lifting up piles of smoke and disrupting the line of sight. After the successful attack Defiler picked up his staff again and slowly began to walk towards where Quin'dalin was, while conjuring a few balls of shadow with his left arm. After the smoke was about to clear, a few arrows came from it and scratched Defilers side, ripping his robe, which until now seemed like it could withstand anything.

Finally the smoke cleared and from it emerged Nayra, with Quin'dalin on her back, bloody and messed up, with his arms – with flesh ripped from it and burns all over (he probably wont be able to play the piano anymore).
“You're getting in the way of me finishing off this annoying mage” - Defiler noticed the obvious.
“I will not let you kill him” - Nayra replied, with her bow ready for combat.
“Do you think you could defeat me with that body on your back, or alone for that matter?” - Defiler asked, while making fun, full of confidence and arrogance.
“ I do not” - she replied, while slowly putting down the unconscious Quin'dalin. - “But I will try”
She then quickly Let out a barrage of arrows, while running further away from the body of her comrade, with the intent of luring Defiler away.

Defiler stopped the incoming arrows with a wall of fire, and pushed it towards his new enemy, but Nayra simply jumped over it and continued her attack.
“Pesky elf,” Defiler thought to himself.


Now let's jump back to the previous fight. While Defiler was having his own fun, Erland got himself some backup, and with a new breath, he charged to attack yet again, dashing at full speed, and jumping in the air right before impact, spinning in the air and releasing a rain of knives (where the heck does he get all of them), thrusting some of them into the troll, who covered his head with his long arms and got out of the attacks range as soon as he was able. While doing that, he took out another short spear and threw it at Erland, who was finished with his attack and was about to land. The spear came so fast, that Erland was not able to completely dodge it as it pierced his left arm. The troll, using the moment, left the pulling out of knives from his arms and legs for later and with his sword ready for it's feast, charged towards his injured prey, only to be suddenly stopped by an unknown force. The troll fell to his knees and started coughing up blood. He quickly realized what was happened and dispelled the curse, after that he slowly got up, picking out the knives from his body and looked behind Erland – where Lyria stood, with shadow in her palm.
“Saved me there” - Erland said, while pulling out the spear out of his arm - “How about healing me?” - he then asked.
Lyria then quickly released a few waves of shadow at the troll and then jumped to Erland, starting to heal his injuries. Obviously – the troll did not intend to let that happen – thus he pulled one of the two remaining spears and threw it at Lyria, who did not intend to dodge, since she was still shielded and forgot about the piercing spears. But Erland did not, he pushed away Lyria with his almost healed left arm, only to get it pierced again (ouch!), but the troll didn't just stand in one place after the throw, he was already near his prey and was about to finish Erland off with one of his deadly strikes, threatening to cut him in half, but was interrupted, as Lyria released a shadow beam and pierced his stomach, Erland, using this moment as an opportunity aimed for his head, jumping up and reaching out with his right and still healthy arm, but the plan did not work as it should have, as the troll grabbed the shadow beam with his bare hand, shattered it and pushed away the undead with his right arm – which had the sword in it and in the process of pushing away managed to slice through his chest, leaving a deep wound. After that the troll jumped back a few meters, gaining distance between himself and his enemy.


As for Nayra and Defiler..
Defiler was releasing wave after wave of shadow and fire, bombarding everything around Nayra, but only around, as she ran and jumped around in lightning speed, dodging each and every attack made against her, even managing to send a few volleys of arrows against her opponent, which won her a few seconds, as Defiler needed to deflect and dodge the arrows (how does he do that?).

Defiler did not seem to be enjoying the fight and the fact, that Nayra was dodging his spells. He then released his staff in mid air, and with the now free right arm started drawing symbols in the air pointing towards the ground where Nayra was jumping around, while still bombarding her with shadow bolts. After the symbol drawing finished, he then used both of his hands to cast spells, which made dodging more difficult for Nayra as she had less ways to go to avoid the incoming attacks. After a few moments of such combat, Defiler managed to lure Nayra where he wanted to. As she landed after one of her jumps, the ground she was stepping on shacked and skeletal arms came out, grabbing her legs and immobilizing the unlucky elf. Right at that very moment the spells caught up to her and exploded, along with the elf.

Defiler seemed happy with the results and picked up his staff, turned around and started to walk towards the lying Quin'dalin, who recently managed to regain his consciousness, but was having difficulties moving. After approaching him, he stopped and looked at the dying blood elf, like he was waiting for something. Quin'dalin noticed that.
“She's not what you think she is” - he whispered. - “Do not trust her”
Defiler then lifted up his arm, with a finger pointing at the elf.
“I trust no-one” - he then replied, and finished the blood elf off with a shadow bolt.



After seeing how the fight was going, the two observing agents turned around and walked away, leaving their “comrades” to fend for themselves.
Zal'jin noticed that and so did his foes. He looked over to Nayras side only to see her lying on the ground with wounds all over, being barely able to move. By that time, Erlands wounds were already healed by Lyria and he was about to charge at the heavily injured troll, who then and took out a green glowing bottle, quickly drank from it and hid it again in his bag. Elrand noticed that and was running towards the troll, thinking of preventing what was about to happen (whatever it was) but was too late. After drinking the Elixir, the dark troll grew in size, with his teeth clenching, muscles showing from under the skin, and eyes more blood lust then before, he quickly dodged Erlands attack jumping to his side, while the rogue was still in mid air after a jump, and knocked him to the ground with a powerful strike from his elbow. Erland hit the ground heavily, bouncing off of it with a painful expression on his face. After that the troll instantly ran to Nayras side, picked her up and was about to run away, but was stopped by barrages of spells from Lyria and Defiler, which he had to dodge. He then took out a strange round shaped thing from his bag and threw it to the ground, releasing gusts of green smoke, which got in the way of aiming for the mages. Defiler then quickly conjured a huge ball of fire and threw it into the smoke, watching it explode in it and clearing up everything. But what he saw was not something of joy. Zal'jin with Nayra were gone.

“Slippery pests,” Defiler thought to himself.
As the battle was over, Erland was tending to himself, and Lyria was looking at the dead body of Quin'dalin, with sadness in her eyes, and strangely – something else. Defiler approached her.
“I did what I promised” - He whispered.
Lyria turned to him and placed her hand on his shoulder.
“Thank you” - she said.
After hearing those words Defiler turned and walked away.
“Heal your injuries and get ready to set out, our journey isn't over yet” - he yelled while looking at Erland, who was sitting on the ground, catching his breath.
“It seems I get no resting time after such a hard fight” - Erland mumbled to himself, while trying to make out a smile.

Thus one of Defilers objectives was completed, helping him get closer to his one true goal. Let's hope that the remaining steps will be as successful as this one.
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Last edited by Defiler; 06-05-2011 at 08:26 AM..
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  #30  
Old 06-04-2011, 12:44 PM
Defiler Defiler is offline

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A new enemy? Life goes on

Nayra could feel herself going up and down, while being carried by someone. The sound of heavy breathing, interrupted by coughing was heard like the person responsible for the sounds was a centimeter away. And that's when she opened her eyes. She was being carried by Zal'jin, who could barely walk by the looks of it.
“Ah, you woke up” - Zal'jin said and let Nayra get back on her own feet.
At first it was hard for her to stand, but she manned up(or so to speak) and managed to not fall down. After regaining her balance she looked at her companion. Zal'jin was all bloody, with a deep wound in his side and his stomach, not to mention the wounds on his arms and legs, it's surprising that he could even walk. But the troll still could and even managed to get Nayra out of the mess, who in turn was also injured, with holes in her chain male and one shoulder pad missing, thankfully – she wasn't heavily injured.
“We must take care of your wounds with haste, or you'll die from blood loss!” - Nayra said, with a heightened tone and worry in her voice, she then helped the almost unconscious troll lie down, getting ready to give first aid. Nayra quickly checked her bag's(luckily she still had it) content and took out bandages with a few bottles full of medicine and got to work.

After a few hours of bandaging and taking care of Zal'jin, Nayra finished her job and finally had the chance to look around. The two were still in Burning steppes, which you could tell by the burnt terrain everywhere. It seemed like they were in one of the many mountain passes, as they were surrounded by mountains from all sides. Luckily not far from them stood a burnt tree, which was used for firewood – since the trolls body temperature dropped and he needed to be kept warm. As Nayra prepared the fire, she then sat down not far from the still unconscious Zal'jin and got lost in her own thoughts, thinking about what happened before she was knocked out, about her lost companion (who she didn't like that much), about the fight, but mostly about Delorian, his coldness and cruelty, which she did not see in him back in the day. After running through all those thoughts she quickly got back to reality and continued to take care of Zal'jin.
“We need to get back on our feet fast, so that we wouldn't loose track of Delorian,” she thought to herself, while throwing in more firewood into the fire.




At the same time, two hooded figures were going towards, what seemed like, an abandoned cave. From the surroundings, yet again, we could guess that they were in Burning Steppes. The two lone figures were wearing dark cloaks, their heads covered by a hood – as you have probably figured out by now, those were the two Kirin Tor agents, that abandoned their “comrades” and left the battle scene in the previous chapter.

The two, with no hesitation, entered the cave and continued deeper into it, stepping through it's dark corridors like they knew where they were going. After continuing so for about five minutes, they stopped – right in front a crude altar, covered in mysterious writings. One of the agents then stepped forward and took out a triangle shaped rock from his bag, which was also covered in similar markings, he placed the rock on the altar, which made the writings lit up in a bright red color and an image appear above the altar. While looking at the image not much could be seen only that it was a dark room of sorts with a throne in the middle and on that throne someone quite large was sitting, but the only thing that could be clearly visible were his hands(since a faint ray of light was shining on them) resting on the sides of the throne – well I guess hands weren't the most appropriate word to describe that, what was seen. The hands were fat and rugged, with long sharp nails(more like claws). The skin itself could not be seen clearly in the dark, but it was definitely not human, that much was for certain.
“My master, we have returned” - the two agents whispered in a chorus, while kneeling.
The dark figure in the image then moved a little, and now two blood red eyes could be seen, shining deep within the throne.
“Report” - a surprisingly smooth and strangely alluring voice spoke.(like a real gentleman)
“Defiler has reached the first altar and completed the ritual with minor interferences. He is now moving on to the next place of power.” - one of the agents replied to the order, with his head held low.
“Good. The master will be pleased. You may return, as I shall send someone else for the next step of the plan.” - the authority in the image then said, with an obvious note of satisfaction in his voice.
“As you wish, master” - the two replied again and the image disappeared.
One of the agents then picked up the triangle shaped stone and the two left, leaving the altar lifeless again, with no signs of action.



With all this happening, our brave and still mostly alive trio was getting ready to move out, since Erland healed up, with Lyrias help of course. But the two noticed that Defiler was meditating or doing something similar, while touching a shadowy orb in front of him.
“Hey, Defiler, what the heck are you doing over there?” - Erland shouted, but got no reply.
The rogue then exchanged eye contact with Lyria and got closer to their fearless “leader” shaking his shoulder and waking him up.
“What?” - he asked angrily, while putting the orb away in his bag.
“What were you doing with that ball?” - Erland asked.
“None of your business, now let's move on. We still have things we need to do.” - he replied, while getting up.
Erland sighed and followed, along with Lyria who had her narrowed eyes fixed on Defilers back for a while, turning them away later, and showing a sinister smile.
Lyria then hastened her pace and jumped on Defiler.
“Oh come on, don't be so grumpy, show a smile or two. And stop hiding under that hood” - She said, while taking off Defilers hood.
“Damn it woman, watch yourself before I loose my patience!” - Defiler shouted, while pushing Lyria off himself.
She chuckled and the three continued their journey, walking through the burnt lands of Burning Steppes (figures) and getting closer to Redridge mountains – their next destination.
“By the way, mind telling us how you knew that nigh elf ranger? Nayra was her name if I'm not mistaken” - Erland asked.
“That's a very long story” - Defiler replied.
“Well we don't seem to be short on that, now do we?” - Erland didn't let up.
Defiler stopped for a moment and turned to his companions – Erland and Lyria, both expecting to hear a road story, so that the time would fly by faster. He then turned away again, starting to walk again.
“Very well” - he replied, while drifting away in deep thoughts – memories of the past.


Note* Next chapter..good old, cliche flashback mode!
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Last edited by Defiler; 06-04-2011 at 02:37 PM..
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  #31  
Old 06-04-2011, 01:23 PM
DarkAngel DarkAngel is offline

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Originally Posted by Defiler View Post
P.S. I don't want you to edit all of my work. It's already painful as is Plus I'm the one who should do the editing of my own work, which I'm doing bit by bit, I hope that in the future I'll be able to spot and fix most of the problems present.
I don't mean to be a replacement for your own judgement. You are the god of any universes you create, even if they happen to be the same as someone else's. I can only make suggestions.

Review: The conclusion
What?! You're ending this already? Time for everybody to die, then.

One-shotting a felguard? Quin'dalin is pretty powerful! He might even have won if not for that empowering ritual.

So, how do you stop a shadowbolt with your bare hands? Zal'jin must be more than a rogue...

So, the bad guys take only one loss, and our dysfuntional band of anti-heroes continues on its journey. Good job leaving room for sequels! Bwahahahaha!
I like how you gave Defiler a remaining streak of humanity, even if he won't admit it. It's ultimately the characters, not the plot, that people will remember.
  • -'s makes possesive, even if the word already has an apostrophe in it.
  • avoided Zal'jins swing and slid (irregular verb)
  • "This time his strike at Zal'jins side was successful, as he stabbed him, but not deep enough as his target managed to dodge the lethal attack, by spinning to the opposite direction of the stab and at the same time counterattacking with a swing, which went and inch above Erlands head, cutting his hood, which surprisingly – was still on (well most of it anyway)." You might want to break this up...
  • which prevented Erland from using
  • "Defiler did not seem to be intimidated, as he pointed out one finger and with a swing, released shadow, which sliced the ball of fire in half, making it explode, before reaching Defiler, the explosion was large enough, to absorb most of the arcane barrage, the mage released, and the remaining part was deflected." Another one so annoying I had to say something.
  • with his hands towards the lower part
  • body of her comrade
  • he was already near his prey
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  #32  
Old 06-04-2011, 02:31 PM
Defiler Defiler is offline

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Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAngel View Post
I don't mean to be a replacement for your own judgement. You are the god of any universes you create, even if they happen to be the same as someone else's. I can only make suggestions.

Review: The conclusion
What?! You're ending this already? Time for everybody to die, then.

One-shotting a felguard? Quin'dalin is pretty powerful! He might even have won if not for that empowering ritual.

So, how do you stop a shadowbolt with your bare hands? Zal'jin must be more than a rogue...

So, the bad guys take only one loss, and our dysfuntional band of anti-heroes continues on its journey. Good job leaving room for sequels! Bwahahahaha!
I like how you gave Defiler a remaining streak of humanity, even if he won't admit it. It's ultimately the characters, not the plot, that people will remember.
  • -'s makes possesive, even if the word already has an apostrophe in it.
  • avoided Zal'jins swing and slid (irregular verb)
  • "This time his strike at Zal'jins side was successful, as he stabbed him, but not deep enough as his target managed to dodge the lethal attack, by spinning to the opposite direction of the stab and at the same time counterattacking with a swing, which went and inch above Erlands head, cutting his hood, which surprisingly – was still on (well most of it anyway)." You might want to break this up...
  • which prevented Erland from using
  • "Defiler did not seem to be intimidated, as he pointed out one finger and with a swing, released shadow, which sliced the ball of fire in half, making it explode, before reaching Defiler, the explosion was large enough, to absorb most of the arcane barrage, the mage released, and the remaining part was deflected." Another one so annoying I had to say something.
  • with his hands towards the lower part
  • body of her comrade
  • he was already near his prey


Wow, this is probably the first of your posts here with some kind of positive emotion towards my writing I'm deeply moved, indeed I am. And yes, Zal'jin is one tough badass he is.. Still haven't decided on what class he is. But he is definitely not a rogue, more like a troll from the warcraft III times. Spears, a sword..all that good stuff

About Defiler one-shotting stuff. Well..it's just my attempt to show his recently gained power..(not much creativity on that part I guess)

Oh and thanks again.
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Last edited by Defiler; 06-04-2011 at 02:43 PM..
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  #33  
Old 06-05-2011, 11:45 AM
Defiler Defiler is offline

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The life before

In my young days, I was the adventurous type. Left my home, with my parents threatening to never let me back in again, I set out to journey around the world(of warcraft), encountering enough dangers to make me want to go back, but obviously, being stubborn I continued. On my travels I greatly improved my sword skills, along with getting a few useful moves that would save my tail countless times in the future.

Tired from my many adventures I stopped at Hillsbrad foothills and decided to rest in Southshore. Spent 2 days there, mostly in the inn, drinking and sharing my tails of adventures with the locals, until I heard a rumor about a recently docked ship. The rumor stated that the ship belonged to pirates, but they were so rich, that they bought off the guards and continued with their business. I obviously couldn't resist investigating such an interesting story, thus I hid in one of their resource crates, stowing away in their ship. The plan worker perfectly until I got found out and beaten half to death. And that was how I met Nayra.


I was woken up by the sound of clanking chains, the creaking of the ship, heavy footsteps above me , the sound of men talking and the feeling of rocking. I felt heavy bindings on my hands and ached all over from the beating. After all that I slowly opened my eyes, only to see bars and a weak light behind them, coming from an oil lamp, which was swinging from the sealing along with the ship, lighting the room I was in a little bit. It looked like I was in the hull, since there was a shallow water level(in which I was lying it seems) covering the whole floor. I looked at my hands and as expected saw that they were binded by chains.

After observing all that I slowly got up, which wasn't the most easy or pleasant thing to do, looking around my cramp dark cell and noticed something. In the corner of it sat a dark figure, with no visible movement.
“Ah damn, they caught me” - I said out loud - “How long was I out cell-mate?” - I asked the figure.
But got no reply. Not only that, but the figure did not even flinch, which got me worried.
“Maybe he's dead?,” I thought to myself.
Which I obviously had to check, thus I slowly stood up(luckily my legs weren't binded by chains like my arms) and approached the immobile figure, slowly reaching out my arm towards it.
“Hey, you ok?” - I asked, while touching the figures shoulder.
And that's when I got my reply – the figure suddenly moved and leaned back, leaving my hand to the air (instead of the figures shoulder), after that he turned to me and with sharp light blue eyes gazing at me, knocked me down, giving me a good punch to the chin.
“A female,” I thought while falling down to the ground.

After hitting the ground I looked at the now energetically moving female, while she came out of the shadow. And after seeing her in the light my eyes unconsciously opened as wide as possible, and so did my mouth. What was before me was a tall female with light purple skin and long, pointy ears. One of her major features was her light blue eyes which seemed like they would pierce anything they looked at. The other thing I noticed was that her face had some sort of a tattoo drawn on it, which surprisingly did not interfere with her lovely features – on the contrary, they enhanced them. (at least it seemed like it) The female was of an unknown race to me and it was my first time seeing someone as her (beautiful or not). I noticed that her hands were also chained and there were bruises under the bindings, indicating that she has been here for quite a while.

The female, standing tall above me (well I was on the ground and she was standing..) glared at me, with disgust and dissatisfaction written all over her face(at least that was common to both races). She said something in an unknown language to me (which sounded lovely)(her voice I mean) and pointed at the opposite corner of the cell, indicating that I would go there and leave her alone, or at least I understood it that way. Since there was no reason for us to fight I listened for now and went to my new home – a corner in a cell.
“Well it's no resort, but choosers can't be beggars I guess,” - I thought to myself - “The real problem will be when we'll have to fight for the only out-house in this hotel” – a lone bucket standing at my cell-mates side.

The female noticed my look at her property and didn't show any intentions of sharing it, which made my life more miserable.

“Guess I'll have to ask the service for another bucket” - I mumbled to myself.

Even though I was banished to the far corner of the cell, I could still spend my time looking at my female companion and study her – which was not as fun as it could be, since for the past three hours she didn't move an inch.

And then a sudden sound of approaching footsteps awoke me from my study time (I hate school). After a while the person responsible for the noisy walking got down the stairs at the far end of the hold, he was wearing worn out clothes and a red bandana. In his right hand he had a plate with, what seemed like food (more or less). After approaching he noticed that I was awake and laughed seeing me in my pathetic state.
“Ah, so the girl beat you down did she now?” - the person laughed - “Welcome aboard our pirate ship, ya freeloader. How do you like your new home and roommate ? That will teach you to get on Captains Crunchyfoots ship” - he laughed.
After hearing the name of the captain I almost laughed, but managed to hold it in.
“Yes, I know, sorry about that, how stupid of me. I learned my lesson, so how about you let me go?” - I asked then, with an innocent look.
The pirate looked at me with surprise and then started laughing even harder then before which almost made him drop the plate with food (still not sure about that).
“Let you go? Who ever said that you're leaving? We're taking you and this lady here to our hideout, where we'll decide what to do with ya” - he said after that.
The answer didn't fix my slowly getting worse mood, but I guess that's the answer I should have expected.
“How about giving me a bucked then? For private purposes” - I asked.
“That I can do, here's your food, try not to kill each other fighting for it” - He laughed and left the plate floating in our cell, leaving us alone again.

I looked at the plate and then at the female, which in turn was doing the same thing. As our eyes met we instantly dashed towards the plate of food, with survival in our minds. The female, who was obviously faster then me, got to the plate first, but just as she was about to take it, I jumped her, grabbing her by the waste and rolling away from the food together (as I slipped, when trying to throw her away). The female, even though lighter, did not seem affected by my weight, she, like a water snake, slided out of my grip and continued her journey towards our only hope for survival – a plate of food with questionable origin. Luckily I was able to grab her ankle and make her trip, which ended in not such a lucky way, since she, tripped the plate with the food after falling, throwing all of it into the water, letting us look how it slowly drifted away from our cell. A sad sight indeed, both of us frozen in our positions on the ground, with our eyes opened wide, unknowing what to do, cry or kill each other. After a moment of silence I couldn't hold it in any longer and laughed out loud, I laugher at everything – the situation we are in, the captains name, the finale of our fight for survival – everything. My laughter seemed to be contagious as the female also started laughing, with a sweet feminine laughter which would tingle your heart.

After that we became friends, even sharing the only out-house in this hotel(lucky me), since the pirate didn't bring a second bucket as he promised. It seemed like the female could not speak our language, but did understand most of the things I said, as she reacted accordingly to them. I managed to found out that her name was Nayra in exchange telling her my own (Which, might I remind you was Delorian). We accompanied each other in those long days with nothing to do, with me slowly teaching her my language and her telling me about her past. It seems she was from a race called Kal'dorei, or Night elfs (which I found out later) and was banished by her people for killing a druid and working with an arcane magic user. She was boarded on a ship and sent away. On her journey, Nayra encountered a storm and her ship got damaged, which made her land on an uninhabited island, where the pirates found and captured her. And she's been hold up in this cell ever-since.


Time slipped by terribly slow as the days passed and we got sick of it. Nayra could already speak fluently in my language, which she did, a lot. Not being able to stand any more in this cell, I started searching for ways to escape, listening to my surroundings (like that would help me in any way) and memorizing the routine of the pirate, who always brought us food. After discussing this with Nayra, I found out that she had really good hearing (figures, the big ears? Duh) and heard the pirates talk about landing the ship, since they were running low on food and water. And that's when we decided to escape, together – to the unknown. (which was still better then remaining in that cramp wet cell)


Interruptions, back to the present


While the story was being told by Defiler, the three left Burning steppes, entering Redridge and encountering a few Blackrock orcs on the way, which they quickly disposed of. After completely leaving behind the burnt environment of Burning steppes, the three reached a fork in the road.
“So which way now?” - Erland asked.
“If we go to the right, we'll enter an Alliance town – Lakeshire, which I would like not to enter, since it would be too much of a hassle and we'd catch the attention of that faction. Thus we'll have to go left and take the long road around.” - Defiler said, thinking out-loud.
“Why would we have to walk around, when we could just kill everyone off ?” - Lyria asked unhappily.
“Because, as I just mentioned, I do not want to attract the attention of the whole damn Alliance on us. We encounter enough interferences as is. “ - Defiler explained impatiently and turned left, with Erland following him.
Lyria stood in her spot for a moment, letting out “hmph”, which expressed her dissatisfaction with the decision and followed the two.


Meanwhile, back in the Burning steppes, Nayra and Zal'jin were already on the move, with the trolls wounds healed enough to travel.
“Are you sure you want to be walking? There's a possibility your wounds will re-open” - Nayra expressed her concern.
“It be ok, don't underestimate me” - Zal'jin replied, walking like he was healthy as horse (well more or less).
“By the way, how is their trail? Is it clear enough to easily follow?” - Nayra asked.
The troll, after hearing those words stopped and got down, closely looking at the foot steps, that supposedly belonged to the three.
“Yes, the trail is fresh and clear, it be easy to follow them” - he then replied, after getting up again and continuing along, towards the same direction as the three went before.
Nayra nodded with satisfaction and both of them walked in silence for a while.
“It's too bad for Quin'dalin” - she whispered, breaking the silence.
Zal'jin slightly turned to Nayra, who was walking behind him.
“Yes, he was not able, to bring that wench to justice.” - He replied slowly - “But we be here for a purpose. We shall hunt her down, in Quin'dalins name” - the troll explained, with a sign of excitement in his voice.
“Enjoying the thrill of the hunt, aren't you?” - Nayra laughed.
The troll nodded.
“Yees, it be like the good ol' days with my clan” - he answered - “Before I left” - hen then whispered, with hidden meaning in his voice.
Nayra looked at the troll with sorrow, and the two continued on their pursuit, without interrupting the silence again.


Going back to our constantly bickering trio, we find them going through the mountains of Redridge, with haste they travel, since the second Defilers objective is almost in arms reach(well I guess a little bit further then that).
“Those Blackrock orcs just don't give up, do they? No matter where we go, we still manage to encounter some of them, and kill them off” - Erland complained.
“They are annoying as hell, why must they get in my way, when they get killed so easily? Every minute I waste slows down my progress” - Defiler joined in the complaining.
“Oh come on, don't be like that. If not for them, our journeys would be too dull and boring.” - Lyria disagreed.
“Well I guess there's that..” - Erland said.
As for Defiler – he kept silent, as he was looking at the view in front of him. The three reached a big gnoll camp, which was infested with them, buzzing around like bees.
“This is gonna be a hassle” - Erland noticed.
But for the threes surprise, the gnolls did not attack, on the contrary, all of them got out of the way, hiding behind their primitive homes or trees and such, watching as the travelers pass by and continue on their travels.
“Well that was strange” - Erland whispered to Defiler.
“Finally, some respect. At least their primitive minds can distinguish who they can and cannot mess with. The orcs should learn from the gnolls in this matter” - Defiler boasted happily.
Lyria and Erland looked at each other and laughed, which destroyed Defilers good mood, probably a first...and last.
“So how about continuing your story?” - Erland asked
“Yeah, you stopped in the most important part, since I don't see us encountering any troubles, you can continue” - Lyria elaborated.
Defiler sighed and continued with his story, since he realized that the two will not let up until he does so.


Escape, life in the jungle


The ship stood still, anchored not far from the shore. Most of the crew made camp at the beach, leaving only a few guards in deck, since there was no-one around to threaten it's safety. Or was there?


On the first day of being anchored, Nayra and Delorian already devised a truly sinister and at the same time risky plan of escape, they waited until dark, for their little night snack, that the usual pirate brings. Both of our brave prisoners waited patiently for the usual foot steps, while being completely still and ready for the show. And finally ! They heard the familiar sound and awaited. The pirate was slowly getting closer to the stairs, that leaded into the hold. Delorian looked at Nayra and nodded. And the show is on !

Both of them suddenly jumped and charged at each other. Delorian swung his fist at Nayra and was about to hit her, but got knocked back by a kick in the waist. After a successful attack, Nayra jumped on top of Delorian and started drowning him in the recently risen water level. But he managed to free himself from the elfs clench and knocked her of himself, quickly doing the same thing that Nayra previously did and trying to drown her. The pirate, after stepping down the stairs noticed what was happening and quickly ran to the cell, unlocking it.
“What the hell are you two doing? Get off of her you idiot, she's valuable merchandise, not like you” - the pirate yelled, while pulling Delorian away from the female elf.

And that was exactly what the two wanted. Delorian then suddenly turned to the guard and knocked him down, covering his mouth, while Nayra, who also got up quickly finished the job with a precise kick to the pirates head.
“I can't believe the plan worked” - said Delorian happily.
“What do you mean by that? You were boasting about your 'fantastic' plan just a moment ago, weren't you?” - teased Nayra.
“Well I guess I did, didn't I?” - Laughed Delorian in response.

The two then quickly looted the unconscious pirate, who only had one sword and some keys on him. Delorian took up the sword since he was more used to using it, before leaving they finished the guard just in case and slowly got up the stairs to the, what seemed like, gun deck. Nayra was leading since she was more skilled with stealth, the both of them slowly slipping through the shadows of the ship, without encountering any people. After reaching another set of stairs Nayre suddenly stopped and Delorian followed her example. She turned to him.
“Shhh” - she whispered, asking Delorian to keep quiet and pointing above them.
Two voices could be heard.

“What the hell is taking Smith so long? I bet he's having his way with the female, I'm sure I would” - one of the voices spoke loudly, with a mean sound to it.
“Yeah, I'm sure you would, but I bet you'd get your balls crushed, before being able to do anything” - the other voice replied, following with rude laughter.
“Maybe I should go check on him?” - the previous voice spoke again.
“Nah, let him do what he wants, who cares. But I can't believe we were left behind to guard this damn ship. More then a week in sea and I'm getting sick of it.” - the other one replied.
“Tell me about it, can't wait until someone comes back from the shore to change shifts. Gonna drink till I pass out” - replied the first pirate, chuckling while he took pleasure in his fantasies.
The two were so loud, that they didn't even hear two shadows approaching from behind.

Nayra and Delorian quickly jumped and killed the pirates, with Nayra snapping one's neck and Delorian slicing the other ones. The two looted their recent pray, taking their swords and even finding a gun with some bullets – taking everything into their possession.

After that they checked the rest of the ship and found no-one on board except one sleeping pirate, who they obviously killed. Before leaving they slowly pulled up the ships anchor – which was damn hard for the two and left, while stealing one of the escape boats. They steadily rowed towards the opposite beach the pirates were on, covering in the darkness of the night(luckily it was cloudy).


The two landed on the beach and pulled the boat into the jungle – which stood like a wall, hiding unknown mysteries and separating all who were on the shore from them(the mysteries..). They ventured deep into it, after hiding the boat. Slowly stepping into it's dark clutches, unknowing of what's to come. On the way they shared the weapons they had, Delorian took one sword and the gun, and gave two swords to Nayra, promising to teach her how to properly use them once they find a suitable place to camp out.


After walking deeper into the jungle, Nayra suddenly stopped Delorian, while grabbing her swords.
After a few moments a tiger pounced out of the bushes, slowly coming closer to his new-found snack. Things didn't seem to be looking good for the young adventurers. After observing it's pray, the tiger jumped, right at Delorian, with the intent to kill, figuring that he was the weaker one. But that was his mistake.

Delorian quickly jumped to the opposite direction, where Nayra stood, and managed to dodge the tigers attack, who after landing instantly attacked Delorian again. After the dodge the human took out his gun and aimed at the approaching animal, slowly pulling the trigger. But for his surprise – the gun didn't shot.
“Damn it, I forgot to load it !” - Delorian thought to himself and managed to draw his sword at the last second.

The tiger jumped on Delorian, ready to bite off his head, only to feast on his sword, which didn't taste that good. By using the sword the human won a few more seconds for himself – enough for Nayra to jump on the tiger and stab him in his neck, killing him and rescuing Delorian.
“Thanks, one more second and I'd be tiger food” - Delorian said, with relief.
“Any time” - Nayra said with a smile on her face, and helped her comrade get up, by offering him a hand.

The two then continued onward, without encountering any more unexpected enemies. They ventured deeper and deeper into the jungle, without food or water (well they found some fruit), which did not lift their morale. After a day in a half of traveling, they finally managed to find a valley with salt water, where they decided to stay for the time and they did so..for a month.


Time passed fast, as both of them had plenty to do, preparing shelter, gathering food, water and training, which they did frequently. Delorian taught all that he knew in the way of the sword to his female companion, and Nayra in return taught him how to use a bow, which she made out of a tree branch.

After a while the two got really close and Nayra started asking Delorian about his life amongst his people, about his family and such. He answered everything she asked, telling her stories of his childish adventures and expressing how he missed his home. After hearing those stories, Nayra would usually get sad, realizing their situation. Delorian was homesick and she could not leave with him, since she did not belong among his people. But obviously, he had no intention of returning, at least not yet.

One morning, after one month of living in the jungle, Delorian found himself alone – Nayra was gone. At first he thought that she was hunting for food, thus he didn't panic, continued with his daily activities. But after a day he realized that something was wrong – he went out to look for his missing companion. But with no results, no matter how much and how hard he looked, he couldn't find any signs of Nayra. After a week he finally realized why Nayra left. It was her way of telling him to go back to his people, to his parents and obviously Delorian did not agree. He then spent two more days, walking around the forest and shouting out loud, that he did not want to go back, but again..with no results. Thus the third day he packed food, water and left, leaving the jungle forever – returning to his home. Which surprisingly he managed without major problems. Of course it took a while, since it seemed like the jungle the two were in, was in Stranglethorn, which was at the other end of the world(of warcraft..). While traveling towards his homeland, he joined a caravan of merchants, later becoming one himself and meeting Jack, who slowly made out to be a good friend and a trusted companion in their journeys as merchants.



“That's it?” - Lyria asked with a frown.
“That's it” - Defiler replied.
“Somehow your story made the journey even more boring..” - Erland noticed.
“Well you were the ones who wanted to hear it” - Defiler said, with irritation in his voice.
“Yeah, but I just didn't expect it to be so..plain and boring.” - Lyria replied, with disappointment in her voice.
Defiler didn't answer to the last comment, continuing to walk in silence.

The trio reached Duskwood soon after, a creepy place indeed, full of mindless undead and other horrors. But it did not seem to bother the adventurers, since they bravely entered the forest of Duskwood, enshrouded by a shadow, full of weird sounds and plenty of surprises.
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  #34  
Old 06-06-2011, 12:39 PM
Defiler Defiler is offline

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Suspicion


Our incredible trio continued walking through the dark dark forest of Duskwood, encountering a few undead who were easily manipulated by Defiler, ignoring the three, like there was nothing there.
“Damn, I heard there are humans living in this forest, but to find it infested with so many undead, I find that hard to believe” - Erland thought out loud.
“You'd be surprised how persistent the living are” - Defiler mumbled.

After slipping through the tight holes in the forest, the three found themselves in front a cemetery, which seemed quite old, since the gates were rundown and rusted.
“Wait” - Erland whispered, while stopping his companions from going any deeper. - “Look” - he pointed his finger towards a shadow, which was lighted by light from time to time.

It was a human paladin, fighting the dead in the cemetery.
“Die you accursed undead!” - He yelled, while smashing his hammer into one of them - “ I shall free this land from your plagued touch”
It looked like the paladin was enjoying himself, to the extent that he didn't notice that the undead were steadily swarming him from all sides. And they did, with certainty, which the paladin noticed only when one of the undead touched his shoulder.
The paladin screamed in fear, as he was startled to the extent of dropping his hammer. He then quickly used a spell, which engulfed him in a strange sphere, running away while covering in it.
“I shall return you damn undead !!” - he yelled, while running away.

Lyria couldn't hold it in any longer and started to laugh out loud, with Erland joining him and even Defiler managed to chuckle a little.
“What the hell was that?” - asked Lyria with tears in her eyes from all that laughter.
“No idea, but that guy was hilarious” - Erland noted.
“Ok then, this seems to be a great spot to camp, let's go into the catacombs of this cemetery, where we'll be able to calmly rest” - Defiler then said, after regaining his usual cold and calculating composure.
Erland looked at Lyria with doubt.
“Camping out in a...cemetery? I might be undead but I still hate those places.” - Erland complained.
“The undead here are mindless and have long lost the command of the Lich King, thus it will be easy to use them for our own protection, plus it seems like it's gonna rain soon.” - Defiler explained.
“Rain? Well then let's go, what are we waiting for?” - Lyria impatiently replied and stepped into the cemetery.
The two followed her as they walked deeper into the home of the dead, where they found a crumbling catacomb, which they entered, encountering plenty of the wandering dead, which Defiler took over and sent out to wander outside. The adventurers sat down on one of the stone coffins in the catacombs and got on with what they usually do.
“I'll go gather some firewood, since it's too dark here” - Erland said, while getting up, followed by Defilers look.
“Very well” - he then replied.
“Good idea, I need light to properly take care of my nails” - Lyria complemented Erlands idea.

After Erland left, Defiler took out the shadowy orb he frequently started to use and placed it in front of himself.
“So what's the deal with the orb?” - Lyria asked.
“That's for me to know, and for you to not find out” - Defiler replied and placed his palm on the orbs smooth surface, closing his eyes and drifting far away.
He watched lands covered in white, with swarms of undead moving like they had a purpose. He saw villages burning, death and finally – cold eyes staring at him, making Defiler feel a chill down his spine.
“Come” - the eyes whispered in a slow, chilling voice.

That's when Erland got back with the firewood and woke up Defiler from his visions.
“Spending more quality time with your new friend – the orb?” - Erland teased, while setting up the firewood.
“For such a long time outside, you brought little firewood” - Defiler noticed.
Erland looked at the bundle on the floor.
“Well there weren't enough good wood out there” - he then replied, and continued setting up the fire.
“Finally ! Some quality time with myself” - Lyria spoke loudly, while looking at her precious nails.
Thus the three remained in their present camp for a day, setting out again at night, while covering in it's dark shroud.



As for their faithful pursuers.
Zal'jin and Nayra recently entered Redridge, and after a while reached a fork in the road, their prey reached before.
“The footsteps go left” - Zal'jin noticed.
“They probably didn't want to attract unneeded attention and walked around the town nearby. We'll have to go through it and find their tracks again, this way we'll shorten the distance between us even more” - Nayra elaborated.
Zal'jin nodded and the two turned right. The elf then opened her bag and took out a dark cloak, which she handed to the troll.
“I think it will be for the best if you put this on” - Nayra explained.
“Yes, it probably be. The humans of this land are not used to see my kind around here” - Zal'jin agreed and took Nayras cape, putting it on and covering himself up.

After passing Lakeshire without any surprises, the two then searched for half a day, trying to find the footsteps of their prey, which they finally did and continued on to Duskwood, while following them.



Our three, lucky so far, travelers were yet again, fighting their way through the branches of the trees, searching for an opening and a road, that would lead to the dreadful Deadwind pass. And a road they did find, which they quickly followed slowly getting closer to their dreaded destination, only to encounter two patrolling human guards, who Defiler instantly burned to ashes, since he did not seem to have the patience to deal with those insects in a calm manner.

After they reached the entrance to Deadwind pass, Erland noticed signs all over it, warning of the dangers within.
“Somehow I'm getting a bad feeling about this” - Erland said.
“Well there were no “good” feelings about our journeys to begin with, were there now?” - Lyria jested.
“If you're afraid of going further, then you can remain here” - Defiler said, while entering Deadwind, and continuing through it's road, surrounded by tall mountains with no sign of flora in sight, only plain rocks and bones, with Erland and Lyria not far behind.
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  #35  
Old 06-06-2011, 12:44 PM
Defiler Defiler is offline

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Betrayal


Only a glimmer of light shined into the dark room, stuffed with piles of books, pillaring towards the roof, threatening to fall down any moment. But they didn't. The glimmer of light came from a few candles, stationed at random corners around the room. In the middle of it you could see a female sitting, with long golden hair and robes, which could indicate her profession – a mage. The female mage sat in the middle of a drawn circle, full of writings and symbols. She sat there, without the slightest move for a while and then suddenly stood up.
“Selana!” - the female shouted, after turning towards the only door in the cramp room.
The female mage was middle-aged, still beautiful and had signs that in her youth her beauty was equal to none. After the shout, another female entered the room, she was shorter then the mage and had dark raven hair that reached her shoulders, wearing casual clothes.
“You called Lady Jaina?” - she asked.
“Yes, send messengers to all the leaders of the races of Azeroth. A great evil is approaching, and we must put a stop to it, before it is too late. I am calling a conference here, in Theramore, the leaders must come with haste, since there is no time” - Jaina explained, while leaving the room.
Selana nodded and followed Jaina, leaving the dark room empty and quiet.

Meanwhile, in the dark forest of Duskwood, Nayra and Ral'jin were quickly gaining on their three targets, as they reached the cemetery, Defiler recently left.
“Their footsteps lead into and out of the catacombs. They must have camped inside. Let's be on our way, we be gainin' on dem” - Ral'jin explained.
“Good, let's move out” - Nayra replied.
As the two were about to leave the cemetery, they noticed two dark figures standing in their way.
“Turn around” - one of them said, with a rugged voice.
The pursuers stopped after hearing those words.
“Who are you? New servants of Defiler?” - Nayra asked, while grabbing her bow.
One of the figures started laughing in a rude manner.
“No, we are not. But we have been ordered to assist him a little, in stopping you. I suggest you turn around before it's too late” - again the figure spoke.
“I don't think so” - Nayra replied and let out three arrows out of her bow, aimed straight at the obstacle in front of her.

The arrows successfully hit her designated target only to be deflected by a wall of metal, hidden under the figures cloak.
“I guess we'll have to do this the hard way” - the figure spoke.
Both of the unexpected enemies then removed their cloaks, only to reveal fearsome looking orcs, with red skin and blood crazed eyes. One of the orcs was wielding a big shield, with spikes on it and a spiked mace, while the other had a huge two-edged axe. Both of them were lightly armored.
“These are not the orcs I know of,” Nayra thought, and exchanged eye contact with Zal'jin.
The shield wielding orc then spoke out.
“I am Or'gosh and this here is my brother Zar'gosh” - he spoke - “ And these are the last names you'll ever hear.” - he then finished speaking, charging at the elf at an unpredicted speed, having in mind that he was heavily armed.
While Or'gosh was charging at the elf, his brother in turn attacked the dark troll, who has already drawn his sword, ready for the incoming attack.

Nayra quickly let out a few more arrows at the incoming orc, while running back from him, avoiding close combat and bombarding the orc with a rain of them. But it did not seem to affect the orc, since he blocked most of them, using his shield and those that hit didn't seem to make a difference. Nayra then decided to change tactics and ended her run-and-shoot tactics, slowly aiming at the incoming orc and shooting right at his foot, with the idea of crippling the incoming threat. But for the elfs surprise, the orc did not stop, nor did he slow down, as he got closer and closer to his target, ready to slam her with the shield, like a stampede of kodos. But Nayra did not panic, as she discarded her bow and quickly drew two silver one-edged swords. She then evaded the orcs shield and cut his back, before him being able to charge by. This time the orc did seem affected by the attack as he let out a loud war cry, full of rage and turned around, ready to attack the female again.


As for Zar'gosh and the troll....
The orc charged at the standing Zal'jin, with his axe ready to cut him in half. But the dark troll squated at the right moment, leaving the axe to feast on air above his head. After that Zal'jin used the moment and sliced through the orcs chest while jumping up, adjusting his flight by kicking of the new made wound on the orcs chest and making space between the two. The orc did not seem to like the surprise left on him and started breathing heavily, swinging his axe to all sides in a frenzied rage, he then charged at the troll by doing so, dangerously approaching Zal'jin like a hurricane of death, threatening to cut him to pieces. The troll, noticing that the situation is dangerous, quickly opened his bag and took out the bottle he used in the previous fight (in Burning steppes), quickly emptying it's content. And yet again, the dark troll grew in size, veins and muscle showing clearly on his whole body, which seemed to be tensed to the max, his eyes narrowed down, with a crazed look, directed at the incoming orc. The troll then smiled and dashed towards Zar'gosh, extending his arm at the whirlwind the orc was making, only, for everyones surprise, to grab his axe and stop the orcs frenzy, halting him in his tracks and making him stare with surprise at the suddenly larger troll. The troll then lifted up his arm, with his sword in it and quickly came down, slicing off one of the orcs arms cleanly. The orc didn't realize what happened for a moment, until he saw his arm fall to the ground. After that he let go of his axe and fell down to his knees, holding his wound, which was pouring blood like a fountain, screaming from pain and anger, with his voice echoing throughout the forest. But the troll did not stop there, as he grabbed the orcs head and with a swift move sliced it off, letting the remaining body fall to the ground – dead. (obviously).
The troll then quickly started taking off the scalp of his dead enemy, lifting it up later and screaming in a joyful and crazy shout, satisfied with his victory.



While the troll was having fun, Nayra had her own problems. The orc she was fighting was already covered in many wounds, and should have lost a lot of blood, but just didn't seem to care, as he continued his attacks one after another, swinging his mace at the elf, missing each swing and getting angrier after each failure. Finally the elf got tired of playing around and jumped above the orc, while he was running towards Nayra, stabbing him in both of his shoulders and leaving her swords deep within them. The female elf landed behind the orc, certain of her victory she slowly turned around, only to see the orc a few meters away, still charging at the elf, with the swords pointing out his shoulders. This time, Nayra looked worried, as she did not have any weapon to defend herself. She watched as the orc approached her in a dreadful speed, with blood red eyes fixed on his pray. But then the orc noticed that Nayra was not looking at him, but behind him, thus he quickly stopped his advance only to turn around to see a huge troll falling down on him, with his sword ready to feast. Or'gosh was not able to block the sudden attack and received a swift end, as the trolls sword lunged itself into his skull, coming out at the other end, killing the orc in an instant. Zal'jin then calmly started the same ritual like on his previous victim, removing the scalp of Or'gosh, only to be interrupted by the reopening wounds in his stomach. The troll quickly reverted to his normal form and fell to the ground, griping his old wound, and coughing blood.

Nayra quickly ran to the troll, while taking out bandages from her bag.
“You overdid it this time Zal'jin” - she expressed concern.
“I had no choice, we do not have time to be wastin' it on these weaklings” - the troll slowly replied, while being re-bandaged by Nayra. - “We must make haste, as our prey is slowly gettin' farther and farther away from us”
“First I need to take care of your wounds, then we'll see” - Nayra replied and continued with her job.



Meanwhile, our trio continued deeper into Deadwind pass, which was tortured by a chilling wind, making a sound similar to a screech.
“Brrr...this wind chills me to the bone. How long until we leave this damn place?” - Lyria complained.
“Not long” - Defiler replied.

After a while the three noticed a small caravan of merchants in front of them, going to the opposite direction the adventurers were. The caravan seemed to be in a hurry, thus they did not spare any time examining the suspicious travelers. After passing the caravan, Defiler suddenly stopped.
“Oh, that reminds me” - he said, while turning around.
Defiler reached out his arm, and released multiple purple beams onto the caravan, hitting each and every living thing in it. The beam, after contact lit it's targets in bright purple light, which began to shrank and after a while disappeared, leaving a pile of soulshard in place of the caravan. Defiler quickly walked to them and picked them all up, placing them in a box he took out of his bag.
“I was running low on these recently” - Defiler mumbled to himself.

After that the three continued their journey and left Deadwind pass soon after, entering the Swamps of Sorrow, which considering to the previous place, was a nice change of scenery. While walking down the road, with trees on both sides, covered in sickly green fungus, enshrouded in darkness, Erland approached his undead companion.
“So what awaits us at the end of our journey?” - Erland then asked.
“Another place of power.” - Defiler replied.
“Isn't the power you already have enough?” - Erland asked again.
“No” - Defiler replied laconically.
But Erland did not stop with only those questions.
“But aren't you afraid to be absorbed by such power? Clouding your judgment an hindering your progress?” - he tried to explain.
“No, I do not think so and even if it does, I do not care, as long as I reach my goal” - Defiler then replied and stopped. - “Is there a reason for your sudden barrage of questions Erland?” - he then asked.
“Yes, as a matter of fact there is” - Erland replied and snapped his fingers.

After doing so, the forests around the three moved and twenty shadowy figures jumped out, surrounding the adventurers while doing so. All of the unexpected visitors were undead, covered by dark cloaks, wielding daggers and bows, and some of them had ropes prepared.
After that Erland dashed towards Defiler, while taking out his dagger, he caught his target from behind, placing the drawn dagger near his throat.
“ In the name of our Lady – Sylvanas, you are under arrest, to be transported into the custody of our Lady in Undercity” - he spoke out loud, with the undead wielding ropes slowly getting closer to Defiler.
“Hey now, what's this? Stop joking around” - Lyria shouted, with a frown on her face.
“Stay out of this Lyria, this does not concern you” - Erland ordered.

But for everyones surprise, a slowly getting louder laughter came out of Defiler, barely able to control his body, he kept laughing and laughing, steadily getting louder and then suddenly stopping.
“Did you really think I didn't know about your approaching betrayal? I knew from day one that you could not be trusted. But since there was nothing you could do to hinder my progress, I kept you around and used you. But I have to admit, that I didn't expect you to betray me so soon.” - Defiler explained, with anger in his voice which let everyone question the validity of his words. - “Nonetheless, I shall make you pay for this betrayal” – he then whispered.

After speaking those words Defiler released wave after wave of fire from beneath his feet, pushing away Erland and burning him. After doing so, he then intensified the magnitude of the fires being released, and did it so suddenly and with such force, that the surrounding undead didn't manage to react appropriatly and were slowly burned to death. Lyria was lucky to shield herself in time, since she would have also been harmed.
After getting rid of unexpected interferences, Defiler slowly walked to Erland, who had difficulties getting up, after receiving heavy burns.
“I will not kill you yet, oh no. You shall return to you master as a failure and tell her that no matter what she tries – she will never prevail. I'm looking forward to our next encounter, since it will be the last moment of your undeath” - Defiler slowly explained, with satisfaction.

After speaking those words, he turned around and continued his journey, with Lyria behind him, who kept turning back to the injured Erland.
“You can remain with him, if you wish” - Defiler then whispered to Lyria - “This will be your last chance to turn around”
Lyria looked at Defiler without speaking a word for a few moments.
“No, I will remain with you” - she then replied, while getting closer to him.

The two continued their journey, leaving behind Swamps of Sorrow, which indeed brought only sorrow to our adventurers, and stepped into Blasted lands – a barren land full of demons and such, getting closer to Defilers goal, who seemed excited with it's nearing.
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  #36  
Old 06-06-2011, 02:52 PM
Defiler Defiler is offline

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Shadow Orb

A shadow upon the world(of warcraft..)


Theramore was bursting with activity as the leaders of the Horde and the Alliance arrived, called by Jaina for the meeting of the worlds major powers(like WWII). The leaders, with their advisors, were escorted to the a great hall in the inner castle. The hall was lit by numerous lights, and had three tables placed in the middle of it. Two tables facing each other with considerable space between them, and one smaller between the two. The leaders of the waring factions sat down on opposite sides, with the Alliance on the right, and the Horde on the left. Everyone sat in considerable silence until the main doors opened again with Jaina Proudmore coming through them, followed with two mages.
“I welcome all of you to my humble castle and express my gratitude for coming here in these dark times.” - Jaina spoke to the leaders.
“And what might be the reason for this sudden meeting?” - Thrall asked, with his (and everyone elses eyes) set on Jaina, while she got to the middle table and sat down.
“A shadow is approaching our lands. A shadow so great that it could be compared to the invasion of the Burning Legion.” - Jaina explained slowly, with chaos erupting around her, as the leaders all spoke at the same time. Jaina waited until they calmed down and continued - “I think all of you have received reports of a mage traveling through Eastern Kingdom, causing death and destruction in his travel, but not enough to be considered a threat”
The leader kept silent.
“Yes, we did hear of such a mage, but what about him? As far as I know he usually avoids getting in direct contact with the major races” - the leader of the Ironforge dwarves Magni Bronzebeard spoke.
“Yes, not only that but he even helped the League of Arathor regain control of Stromgarde keep” - The reagent of Stormwind Highlord Bolvar Fordeagon joined in.
„Perhaps he did, but he is slowly gaining power, and soon no-one will be able to stop him, since his power will rival the Lich Kings“ - Jaina interrupted the leaders.
A heavy silence followed those words.
„Then we must stop him at all costs!“ - Tyrande Whisperwind, the high priestess of Elune spoke out. -“ the Lich King is problem enough.

Shouts of agreement followed her words, as the leaders stood up, except one – Sylvanas Windrunner.
„Quiet !“ - She yelled out in a chilly voice, looking over each and every leader with her piercing, cold eyes. - „ I have already noted how dangerous he may be, thus I dispatched a squad of Deathstalkers, who will capture and contain this threat, with the help of a spy I placed near his side.“ - Sylvanas explained calmly, only to be interrupted by one of her advisors whispering in her ear.
As the advisor spoke Sylvanas expression kept getting worse and worse, with an obvious frown of dissatisfaction covering her face.
„It seems not all went according to plan“ - Magni Bronzebeard noticed, with a smile on his face as he enjoyed Sylvanas expression.
The Banshee Queen looked at the dwarf and made his smile dissapear.
„It seems my agents failed to contain our little problem“ - Sylvanas then said, with a angry tone in her voice.
„So, I suggest we deal with the problem this instant, until it is too late. You will be given all the information I have on the mage and I hope we will work together in containing him“ - Jaina said, while standing up, and turning to leave, followed with whispers and sounds af agreement.
„Let's hope that it is not already too late“ - Jaina whispered to herself, while leaving the hall.


Meanwhile, in the Swamps of Sorrow, Nayra and Zal'jin were steadily following the trail left by Defiler and his companions. But their rate of traveling was slower the usual, since Zal'jin did not have the time to recover from his reopened wounds. The two walked in silence until they noticed something farther away. After they got closer, they found a large circle of burnt land and a few half burned bodies of undead.
„It seems like they encountered some problems“ - Nayra noticed.
Zal'jin walked around slowly, examining the ground.
„Strange“ - he whispered“ - It seems like only two pairs of footsteps continued onward. I also found one pair going deeper into the jungle, but it seems the person responsible for them was injured.“
„So what do you think happened?“ - the female elf asked.
„I do not know, but it seems like Defilers footsteps continue onward“ - Zal'jin replied and continued alongside them - the tracks of his pray, with Nayra following him.
„How far behind are we?“ - Nayra then asked.
„Half a day“ - the troll quickly answered.
„Curses,“ Nayra thought to herself, while continuing to follow Zal'jin.


As for Defiler, he and Lyria. The two continued their journey, with recently entering Blasted lands, both of them silent, lost in their own thoughts. The blood elf female tried her best to cheer up Defiler, breaking the heavy silence and annoying him even more by doing so.
„Oh come on, don't be such a grouch“ - Lyria complained, while hugging Defiler -“Look at the bright side, you won't have to listen to Erlands annoying chatter anymore, plus your goal is almost in your grasp“ - She continued, with a smile on her face.
But Defiler did not seem affected by Lyrias chatter, as he was lost in deep thought, hastening his pace, as he could feel the second place of power getting close and closer.
Lyria noticed that her hard work beared no fruit, thus stopped and continued along side Defiler in silence.

The two journeyed for a day and a half without encountering any problems. At the end of the day, they could see a castle in the horrizon, from which they kept a good distance, with the intent of walkin around it, without attrackting any attention. As they got closer the the castle they could hear battle shouts and explosions, followed with other sounds of battle. That's when they noticed that the castle was under siege by demons, who payed no attention to the passing two, occupied in their siege. Defiler did not care about the demons, especially when they did not interfere with him, thus he and Lyria continued onward, passing the besieged castle.
„It's strange that the demons didn't notice us“ - Lyria said, with deep thought.
„They did notice us, but for some reason didn't attack“ - Defiler replied.
„What do you think were the reasons for their passiveness“ - Lyria asked.
„I don't know and frankly, I don't care“ - Defiler replied grumply.


The two walked for another day, until finally, the place of power was but hours away. They reached a mountain, with burned buildings near it's base which was infested with trolls, tauren and other humanoids. But it did not seem like they were showing any sign of aggression towards the travelers. As Defiler approached the mountain, an orc, wieldding a mace and wearing red stained armor approached him.
„We've been expecting you, please, this way“ - He said and started walking towards a road, that led up the mountain.
Lyria looked at Defiler, but he did not seem too surprised with the orcs speech and followed the orc, with Lyria joining him after a moment.

As they reached the mountain top, they saw another Altar of Storms on it, which looked very similar to the previous one. After leading them this far the orc turned around and went from where he came, going down the mountain. Defiler, ignoring everything else, quickly walked towards the altar, once he got on it, he noticed an orc female coming towards him.
„Greetings“ - she said, while bowing her head - „ I have been informed of your arrival. My name is Sevine. The ritual has been prepared and we may begin when you give us the word.“ - she explained.

Defiler looked at the orc with untrust and then looking around, noticing multiple acolytes standing at the corners of the altar. He then walked around, looking at the surface of the altar, stopping from time to time to change and rearrange the pentagrams on it.
„Who told you of my arrival and what are your intentions?“ - Defiler then asked the orc female.
„My master informed me, and I can assure you that he wishes only the best in your mission. You can trust us in completing the ritual with great results“ - Sevine explained.
Defiler looked at the orc and threw his stuff not far from the altar, letting it lie there.
„Begin the ritual“ - he then said.

And so it began. The acolytes started chanting with Sevine leading the process, but this time the ritual was a little different, since instead of lightning, shadow engulfed Defiler, with it's dark purple energies coming from the three statues standing at the corners of the altar. But the rest was the same – the skies darkened, and Defilers body convulsed like before, only this time he did not scream, as he clenched his teeth and held in the pain.

Lyria stood there, watching as Defilers whole body shaked in agony. For some reason she had an unsettling feeling, like something bad is going to happen. And perhaps something will.

The ritual proceeded without interferences, for a whole hour Defiler had to suffer torture, just to get closer to his goal, which he did magnificently – even after 45 minutes, Defiler was still conscious and did not seem to scream or let out any sounds that would reveal his suffering, which was strange, remembering what happened the last time. At the end of the ritual the skies slowly returned to their original color and all of the shadowy energies slowly entered Defilers body. After a few moments the acolytes stopped chanting, Sevine did the same and the undead mage was let go from the magical clutches of the ritual, letting him fall to the ground. Defiler coughed a few times and then stood up.

He looked renewed and healthy, you could practicaly see his new-gotten powers flow around him, leaving a light mist behind him and after each step, the very ground decayed beneath his feet, as he walked towards his dropped stuff. While he was doing so, Lyria quickly walked up to him.
„Are you ok? You look strange, did the ritual..“ - Lyria noticed only to be interrupted by Defilers hand, quickly snatching her neck.
Defiler slowly turned to Lyria, lifting her up from the ground.
I know...“ - He whispered in a strangely cold voice, his eyes brighter then ever – with a strong fire burning in them, gazed at the frightened blood elf female.
„You...know what?“ - Lyria whimpered -“ I don't ..know what you're talking ..about“
„I know, you were the one who killed your husband“ - Defiler then spoke out again, with a different tone.
Lyria widened her eyes, and looked with fear at Defiler.
„ Please, I know I lied, but have mercy, let me explain“ - Lyria said after a pause, still trying to save herself, as she struggled for air.
I have no use for you anymore“ - Defiler then replied, going back to his previous tone, coldly glaring at Lyria.

After saying those words he lit Lyria on fire, burning her to ashes in a matter of seconds, who in turn managed to let out a short scream, before dying. He then looked at the standing orc and her acolytes, who did not seem affected by the view and stood there silently. Seeing that Defiler turned back to his stuff and picked it up, taking his staff and putting on his bag, starting his journey over again - alone.
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  #37  
Old 06-09-2011, 01:20 PM
DarkAngel DarkAngel is offline

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The life before

Things move a bit fast at the beginning, but I suspect the narrator is "getting to the point." What matters is what happened on that pirate ship, not how he got there. I will restrict myself to short notes, but the very first sentence is one of your run-ons. You don't neccissarily have to fix it, just keep it in mind.
  • many adventures, I stopped
  • Spent two days there Numbers are preferred as words, especially for small numbers like this.
  • I was awakened by
  • After all that, I
  • water level (in which I was lying, it seems)
  • they were bound by chains Remember all those "Bound Elementals" in the game?
  • After observing all that, I
  • slowly stood up (luckily The parenthesis is attached to 'luckily.' Space accordingly.
  • weren't bound by chains
  • the figure's shoulder
  • that, she turned This would be a good place to make first mention of sex.
  • sharp, light blue eyes
  • knocked me down with a good punch to the chin. This is more clear.
  • After hitting the ground, I looked
  • someone like her
  • choosers can't be beggars I assume you reverse the idiom for humor, but it doesn't seem relevent in context.
  • harder than before
  • slid out of my grip
  • I laughed at everything
  • the captain's name
  • Night elves In English, everything follows a different rule.
  • that cramped, wet cell

Interruptions, back to the present
Defiler is telling this story just because? That seems out of character for him. I hate to "crimp your style," but scene-setting should be done in the past tense like everything else. Also, I'm giving up on your commas. It would be too many to bug you about!
  • the troll's wounds You need the apostrophe to make it possesive.
  • healthy as a horse
  • he then whispered
  • the second of Defiler's objectives
  • But to the three's surprise
  • he realized that the two would not let up until he did so.

Escape, life in the jungle
And now we're suddenly back to the third person?
  • guards on deck
  • a truly sinister -and at the same time, risky- plan
  • escape. They waited
  • that the usual pirate brought.
  • the usual footsteps If that isn't one word on your computer, you can safely add it.
  • stairs that led into the hold
  • knocked her off himself
  • using it. Before leaving,
  • another set of stairs, Nayra
  • their recent prey, 'Pray' is what you do in a church.
  • towards the opposite beach Huh? Is there another island on the other side or something?
  • pounced out of the bushes, slowly coming closer 'Pounce' is not something that happens slowly. It refers to the sudden jump from hiding.
  • After observing its prey, 'It's' is a contraction of 'it is.' 'Its' is the neutral possesive pronoun.
  • the gun didn't shoot. That's the you were looking for, but usually it would be "the gun didn't fire."
  • a valley with salt water Why would you stay in a place where you couldn't drink the water? Did you mean 'fresh water?'

Oh, heck. I'll just keep reading and shut up about mistakes. It's the same ones over and over, really.

EDIT: My only additional comment is that you killed off Erland and Lyria so suddenly, with no foreshadowing. This is made even worse by the rapid succession. Now, Defiler has no-one to banter with. With the way things are shaping up, he appears to have jumped from protagonist to antagonist. You're not supposed to do that. Your story, of course.
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