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Old 02-06-2011, 10:56 PM
Orifiel Whitedeer Orifiel Whitedeer is offline

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Default Dark Lady or The Ranger?

Dark Lady or The Ranger?
Rated: PG

Somewhat based on the short story "The Lady or The Tiger" by Frank Stockton

~*~

The darkness that surrounded her was thick. The sound of dripping water coupled with the rot of ages did not escape her cold, blue-veined ears. Sylvannas Windrunner reached to the small bullet hole in her chest. It was stitched closed but the bumpy surface would forever remind her of that dark day. The triumph of the moment was blasted away in a single, treacherous shot. Her glowing, blood-colored eyes went wide for a moment before reality spun out of sight and all that surrounded her was darkness. It was a darkness that made the rank walls of her inner sanctum seem like a bright spring day. But mercy was something she was never granted, and in their act of sacrifice her loyal servants brought her back to the waking damnation that was her existence.

Her thoughts turned to that time and it caused her very soul to shutter within her bones. The words of the war-chief still stuck in her ear, made her black lips dip into a disgust-filled scowl. Could the actions inflicted upon her by the Lich King, Arthas, have made her into the very thing she hated? She could do nothing but banish the thought as one of her loyal generals gently tapped on her chamber door. She pulled her dark hood over her broken face and opened her chamber door to find a dark ranger on the other side.

"My Lady, I am very sorry to disturb you during your rest--"

"There is no rest. What do you want, Highraven?" Sylvannas asked, with a voice that could haunt even the most godly of creatures. Darkranger Perrywyn Highraven quickly bowed her head and gave her report.

"Our agents have found the betrayers in Shadowfang Keep. Our vengeance is absolute." Highraven spoke with glee shining in her blood-red gaze. The news did not move the stone-faced Sylvannas who gave a curt nod.

"Good."

"There is something else, my Lady." Highraven spoke with a voice like a calming breeze. Sylvannas raised a brow and resisted tapping her foot at Highraven's delayed delivery.

"What is it?"

"The effort in Northrend is winding down. But a last minute project has brought a great bounty. We have in our possession an individual of interest to you, My Lady." Highraven bowed with a sinester smile. Sylvannas glared to her subordinate who quickly felt her spine begin to freeze.

"Enough exposition. What in the name of Lorederon are you babbling about?" Sylvannas hissed, her sharp tone cutting through the extra words spilling from Highraven's spiteful lips. When the name came through, Sylvannas felt her innards jolt. She shot a quick arm to Highraven's throat. Though the dark ranger no longer breathed, the action sent a wave of panic through her consciousness. "Do not play games with me..."

"N-No games, my lady! I speak the truth!" Highraven squeaked as she felt the clawing grip on her neck tighten. "We have her! She is alive and being kept in Venomspite, I-I swear it!" Sylvannas scanned Highraven for any twinge of deceit. After the indecent with Lord Godfry, Sylvannas questioned everyone, even those who's loyalty was absolute. When her weakened hand was at its limit, Sylvannas let her servant drop to the floor, shaking and clutching her neck.

"For your sake, she better be there...she better be there alive."




The young woman, mother of twins and leader in her own right was covered in bruises and cuts. The ropes used to bind her slender form were beginning to cut into her pale flesh. Though the temperature was below freezing, sweat and blood stained her pale blond hair. She could not find the will to scream and the gag lodged in her mouth ensured she was silent. The room she was kept in had nothing in the ways of comfort. There was a single chair in the center of the room but the roped ensured she stay on the cold, stone floor. Once every so often she would hear crunchy footsteps. Each sound causing an unstoppable shiver to violently wrack her frame. Though she had faced demonic dragons, scourge, and all manner of wicked things in her long life, Vareesa Windrunner was beaten, starved, and tortured beyond sanity's hold. Slowly she could hear two pairs of boots approaching. A melodious voice cooed just beyond the door, like a little animal praising its master in hopes of some small reward. When the door slowly opened, Vareesa did her best to disappear.

"She's in here my lady." The muffled voice spoke as the pair entered the room. Vareesa stole a glance from underneath her bloodied hair. She did not recognize the slavering supplicant but the creature beside her made her pale blue eyes go wide. The muffled name "Sylvannas?" came from deep beyond the linen gag. Vareesa felt her blood run cold. Any measure of warmth or light that dwelled in the room was sucked into the Dark Ranger's form. It took all of Vareesa's lingering bravery to look deep into her elder sister's damaged and defiled gaze. She felt small tears of shame and pity running down her cheek. Despite the wave of emotion flooding the tiny room, Sylvannas's face remained a stone mask.

"Leave us." Sylvannas spoke with a cool tone. Highraven hesitated for a moment before the mask of neutrality shifted into a sharp, menacing glare. "LEAVE US!" Highraven bowed her head and quickly made her way to the door. Vareesa felt a jolt of cold run through her as the door slowly clicked shut. She was alone with what was, or possibly still was, her beloved older sister. Her eyes desperately searched for some spark, some indication of emotion beyond the corpses frozen face. there before the Banshee Queen was everything she used to be. Every feature, every beautify look of fear and joy. A mother, a lover, a ranger to be respected and feared. All that was taken and warped into the tormented monstrosity she had become. And the sister she once loved with all her beating heart could muster. There was not so much as a twitch in her solid features. Vareesa's eyes shifted to Sylvannas's gloved hand which made its way to one of the long knives at her hip. She wordlessly moved her fingers around the hilt and took the blade into her steady hand. She looked around for a moment. There were no windows and would be no witnesses. No light shined but the ones in her terrible gaze, bathing the knife in blood-colored light. She took a step forward. The chill around the scene seemed to intensify. Vareesa felt her body wiggle backwards until she met the wall. Syvannas took another step, knife traveling upwards. Vareesa fought against her bonds, sending a trickle of blood to the floor where the ropes dug into her flesh. Sylvannas took another step forward, Vareesa's heart felt like it would explode.

When there were no more steps to be taken, no distance between them the knife came down...
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Old 02-07-2011, 12:10 PM
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Well I like the story, Varessa is one of my least favorite WC female characters.

The flaw is also obvious, still a little bit too short, more inner conflicts between these 2 sisters should occur to fill the story.
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Old 02-07-2011, 02:06 PM
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Nicely done. You've made me hate Sylvanas and want to go raid and spam some arcane barrages on her(if I only I had time to subscribe) - that's a good thing if you were confused. It's also one of the only time outside of DotD when I actually like Vereesa
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Old 02-07-2011, 03:25 PM
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I so want to parody this... but I will exhibit self control. Nice work.
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Old 02-07-2011, 07:16 PM
Orifiel Whitedeer Orifiel Whitedeer is offline

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You know...when most people stumble home drunk after the superbowl they puke and fall asleep...with me THIS happens...I just hope its not metaphorical puke.

I'm going to develop this a bit more. I kind of want you all to decide what she does in the end. Does she kill her sister, or help her escape? You decide.
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Old 02-07-2011, 07:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Orifiel Whitedeer View Post
You know...when most people stumble home drunk after the superbowl they puke and fall asleep...with me THIS happens...I just hope its not metaphorical puke.
Glorious.

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I'm going to develop this a bit more. I kind of want you all to decide what she does in the end. Does she kill her sister, or help her escape? You decide.
Make it a choose your own adventure that does not involve Slowpokeking or Ashendant. I have so many branching ideas... Wait, I'll trade me shutting up forever(ish) if you want for them not being involved.

You see, on one hand, I do not want to take your great work away. On the other hand, I want to rip what you have done out of your control and pervert it to my twisted whims. On both hands, I do not like those two. I forget if it is an act or not.
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It'd be nice if they actually finally gave us things they cut or under utilized 10 years ago.
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Ten.

Years.

Last edited by Revenant; 02-07-2011 at 08:13 PM..
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Old 02-09-2011, 03:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Orifiel Whitedeer View Post
You know...when most people stumble home drunk after the superbowl they puke and fall asleep...with me THIS happens...I just hope its not metaphorical puke.

I'm going to develop this a bit more. I kind of want you all to decide what she does in the end. Does she kill her sister, or help her escape? You decide.
Make her kill her sister and make Rhonin come over and pound, burn, blast the unliving shit out of Sylvanas. Pwedy pwese.
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Old 02-09-2011, 07:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Orifiel Whitedeer View Post
You know...when most people stumble home drunk after the superbowl they puke and fall asleep...with me THIS happens...I just hope its not metaphorical puke.

I'm going to develop this a bit more. I kind of want you all to decide what she does in the end. Does she kill her sister, or help her escape? You decide.
I choose door number 3... she kills herself after seeing, face to face, what she used to be, and realizing what a monster she's become.
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Old 02-09-2011, 08:08 PM
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This is what happens when you get drunk? Dang. I just get sick. If I wasn't an impoverished college student, I'd offer to buy you a drink every night forever! (Not that that'd be good for you...)

GREAT work with the suspense there! Ambiguous right up to the end, such that one's expectations depend most on preconceptions about Sylvanas. Personally, though, I find the kill Vareesa senario hard to believe for two reasons:
  1. Motive: Sylvanas has no reason to kill her sister, nor has she ever expressed an irrational desire to do so.
  2. Opportunity: Why now? Vareesa could've been assassinated at any time up to now.
No, this is personal. Most likely, Sylvanas is about to make her an offer she can't refuse. About what, I have no clue.

How about this: what Sylvanas wants, above all else, is for someone to put her out of her misery. The only person she trusts to do this is her sister. Vareesa will say no, initially. Instead, she begs her to try to remember who she once was. Cue flashback sequence of their fond memories growing up together. Sylvanas cuts her off, and launches into an impassioned speech about how she feels nothing, a damnation not so much to torment, as to apathy.

Finally, as the sisters are sitting there bawling their eyes out (this is a chick flick), Highraven reopens the door, and, seeing her mistress incapcitated by emotion, shoots Vareesa from accross the room. She assures her that no-one will ever have to know about her moment of weakness. Sylvanas once again dons her mask, and steps forth to inflict further evil on the world. There, that sounds like a story. If only my writing skills were up to it...
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Old 02-09-2011, 10:37 PM
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This is what happens when you get drunk? Dang. I just get sick. If I wasn't an impoverished college student, I'd offer to buy you a drink every night forever! (Not that that'd be good for you...)

GREAT work with the suspense there! Ambiguous right up to the end, such that one's expectations depend most on preconceptions about Sylvanas. Personally, though, I find the kill Vareesa senario hard to believe for two reasons:
  1. Motive: Sylvanas has no reason to kill her sister, nor has she ever expressed an irrational desire to do so.
  2. Opportunity: Why now? Vareesa could've been assassinated at any time up to now.
No, this is personal. Most likely, Sylvanas is about to make her an offer she can't refuse. About what, I have no clue.

How about this: what Sylvanas wants, above all else, is for someone to put her out of her misery. The only person she trusts to do this is her sister. Vareesa will say no, initially. Instead, she begs her to try to remember who she once was. Cue flashback sequence of their fond memories growing up together. Sylvanas cuts her off, and launches into an impassioned speech about how she feels nothing, a damnation not so much to torment, as to apathy.

Finally, as the sisters are sitting there bawling their eyes out (this is a chick flick), Highraven reopens the door, and, seeing her mistress incapcitated by emotion, shoots Vareesa from accross the room. She assures her that no-one will ever have to know about her moment of weakness. Sylvanas once again dons her mask, and steps forth to inflict further evil on the world. There, that sounds like a story. If only my writing skills were up to it...
She got reason: Try to cut off her former relationships, her softness, just like Arthas did in the end of RotLK. Otherwise it would seriously bother her.

Why now? Because before that her main focus is Arthas, after that she's gonna do pretty much the same thing that Arthas did, for herself and probably her people. It's not good but she didn't have a choice.

Many people said her action was totally crazy in Cata, while the lore fans would understand it, but it won't be bad to give more explanation.

Remember what she said after you gave her the vial of her blood? Lich King Arthas is dead, but it didn't turn her back. Unlike Maiev, she's the leader of one faction, a famous figure. She could not(and many people wouldn't let her) simply run away like Maiev. I already explained her situation in Cata in another thread.

Quote:
Her actions are not decided by personal issue, but the situation she's in.

1 They are clearly, the enemy of the Alliance due to they are part of the Horde, undead and once killed important Alliance figure.

2 Lorderaon belong to the humans in many people's eyes, at least the Alliance think so.

3 Remove them from Lorderaon will greatly impair the Horde's power on the east continent.

Wrathgate made all these worse.

The reason why didn't the Alliance make big action in these years is because

1 Varian went missing for a long while due to Onyxia, the ruling system of Stormwind was paralyzed at that time.

2 Big evils were keep showing up, the Alliance has to focus on them and recover from the war.

3 The Horde's limited protection.

Well here's the case in Cata.

Varian is back and he made attempt to reclaim Lordaeron.
After Stormrage Z, villains were quiet for a few years, no mortal in WC universe can read Blizzard's script.
The Horde could not send most of their forces to protect the Forsaken, and they won't like it.

Also, the Argent Crusade will NEVER stop the Alliance from reclaim Lordaeron unless they got serious problem in their brain.

With Gilenas back to the Alliance and their immunity against the plague, they can make a lot of trouble if the war break out.

In this kind of situation, it's clear that it's just a matter of time for the Alliance to make action unless some big stupid evil rise again. what's the best way to prevent the Forsaken being removed from Lordaeron? Of course grow their forces and expand their territory, create more "buffer zones", cut Gilenas off from Stormwind's supply. Then it's what we saw in Cata, it's cruel but it's also how undead expand their territory. Also prevent Gilenas to become a big threat by strike them first.

Even though it's necessary, it needs a cold heart to do so. Sylvanas is not an idealist, at least not anymore after became banshee, she would not let her softness(We saw in that TBC quest) troubles her, especially after heard Arthas' softness might be the reason that the Scourge didn't overrun the world in HoR. Remember what did Arthas said in the end of RotLK? "It shouldn't be too late, but it is." Yes, it is too late base on the situation, Sylvanas is in the similar situation. So kill one of her sisters(maybe the only alive one) will cut off pretty much most of her softness. It's totally logical and will be a nice "explanation" to her "sudden" change in Cata if Orifiel Whitedeer you can do a good job on her inner conflicts.

I will give some plot advice if I can tomorrow.

Last edited by Slowpokeking; 02-09-2011 at 10:55 PM..
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Old 03-25-2011, 10:20 AM
Beruthiel Beruthiel is offline

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Is anyone here not Alliance, and did you do The Lady's Necklace quest? Because if you had, I don't think there's a chance in Hell you would have come up with this story.

Needs a good, hard edit. Misspelled names all over the place, some weirdly described things, like this:
Quote:
Her thoughts turned to that time and it caused her very soul to shutter (that's shudder) within her bones. The words of the war-chief still stuck in her ear, made her black lips dip into a disgust-filled scowl (I'd like to see ANYONE'S lips scowl, disgust-filled or not)
Characters seem very OOC. I like the tone and the pacing, but it can be a LOT better. Furthermore, without benefit of a lead-in, I can't see a reason for this story to occur at all.

Is Sylvanas a hardcore bitch? Beyond a doubt. But she's not stupid. Remember, folks, she could have killed Lorna Crowley without a moment's hesitation, but she didn't. I would think she would have FAR less motivation to kill her own sister than the daughter of a hated enemy. The only thing I get out of this is that you don't like Sylvanas.
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Old 03-25-2011, 10:28 AM
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Is anyone here not Alliance, and did you do The Lady's Necklace quest? Because if you had, I don't think there's a chance in Hell you would have come up with this story.

Needs a good, hard edit. Misspelled names all over the place, some weirdly described things, like this:

Characters seem very OOC. I like the tone and the pacing, but it can be a LOT better. Furthermore, without benefit of a lead-in, I can't see a reason for this story to occur at all.

Is Sylvanas a hardcore bitch? Beyond a doubt. But she's not stupid. Remember, folks, she could have killed Lorna Crowley without a moment's hesitation, but she didn't. I would think she would have FAR less motivation to kill her own sister than the daughter of a hated enemy. The only thing I get out of this is that you don't like Sylvanas.
The only thing I get out of this (and your signature) is you're probably the creepy sort that faps to Sylvanas fanpix on DeviantArt... You should probably PM Slowpokeking... I'll bet he's got a great library of the stuff.
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Old 03-25-2011, 10:35 AM
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The only thing I get out of this (and your signature) is you're probably the creepy sort that faps to Sylvanas fanpix on DeviantArt... You should probably PM Slowpokeking... I'll bet he's got a great library of the stuff.
Hardly. What I am is a long-standing member of Godawful Fan Fiction, (currently Why, God, Why? http://www.whygodwhy.org ) I have no fetishes of any sort regarding fanfiction, only in good writing. By my standards, I was being quite gentle with my concrit.

As for my alleged fapping, well, I can only say that it takes one to know one. Projecting much?
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Old 03-25-2011, 10:46 AM
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Hardly. What I am is a long-standing member of Godawful Fan Fiction, (currently Why, God, Why? http://www.whygodwhy.org ) I have no fetishes of any sort regarding fanfiction, only in good writing. By my standards, I was being quite gentle with my concrit.

As for my alleged fapping, well, I can only say that it takes one to know one. Projecting much?
I'm not projecting.

You, on the other hand, are deflecting.

Constructive criticism requires a lot more effort than you're apparently willing to put forth here. You've cited next to nothing to support your claim that the author doesn't know the characters, and, in fact, may hate them.

We agree on the spelling and grammar issues. I wish more folks would take time to put their work in MS Word, use the tools it comes with to correct these small things, and produce fiction that is cleaner to read. Then again, I'm a little obsessive-compulsive over these things, and tend to edit the crap out of my work before I publish it.
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Old 03-25-2011, 10:54 AM
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Well! Have we found common ground?

If you want, I will do the entire piece, line by line, and see what you think. I didn't give a full analysis, because the author didn't give the impression that s/he wanted one. In short, I was simply giving an opinion. I think that, with the proper level of work, it could be a top-notch story, but still think that there's a lot of work between this version and that. I don't know if this writer is serious enough about his/her craft for that.
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Old 03-25-2011, 11:07 AM
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Well! Have we found common ground?

If you want, I will do the entire piece, line by line, and see what you think. I didn't give a full analysis, because the author didn't give the impression that s/he wanted one. In short, I was simply giving an opinion. I think that, with the proper level of work, it could be a top-notch story, but still think that there's a lot of work between this version and that. I don't know if this writer is serious enough about his/her craft for that.
I guess my point is negative commentary doesn't really count as constructive criticism. It's just negative, and in most threads, that's fine (I'm as guilty of this as anyone here), but I tend to pull my punches a bit when someone's published a work of fiction - that's sort of off-limits for me, as I know there's a big difference in editorial drivel and actual creative effort.

I'm not saying you MUST do a line-by-line edit, not unless you feel really strongly about the subject. I'm saying it doesn't do much good to come in and crap on someone's story without something more constructive -that just discourages the writer.

Personally, I really enjoy it when someone's taken the time to deconstruct one of my stories and point out where there are holes in the plot or areas where I wasn't clear - it is very easy for a writer to understand his character's point of view but not express it completely on paper for the reader.
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Old 03-25-2011, 11:17 AM
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Point taken. In the future, if I have need of a competent beta, would you be williing? I am currently working on a piece even as we speak.

I have no feelings about the story, one way or another, and spoke truth when I said that I would like to see the writer work on it some more and develop it. Believe me when I say that I mean only positive when I say that. I have suggested strongly to others in the past that their compositions might serve humanity better as the lining of a bird cage, and not because of bad spelling or grammar, but because they commit writing violations of the most egregious kind. Why, God, Why, love it or hate it, exists for a reason.

But it was kind of you to stand up for Orifiel Whitedeer, and ALWAYS good to hear someone willing to encourage others. Bolvar, I salute you.
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Old 03-25-2011, 11:19 AM
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Point taken. In the future, if I have need of a competent beta, would you be williing? I am currently working on a piece even as we speak.

I have no feelings about the story, one way or another, and spoke truth when I said that I would like to see the writer work on it some more and develop it. Believe me when I say that I mean only positive when I say that. I have suggested strongly to others in the past that their compositions might serve humanity better as the lining of a bird cage, and not because of bad spelling or grammar, but because they commit writing violations of the most egregious kind. Why, God, Why, love it or hate it, exists for a reason.

But it was kind of you to stand up for Orifiel Whitedeer, and ALWAYS good to hear someone willing to encourage others. Bolvar, I salute you.
I love reading new stuff. Send it on over. You can PM me or connect with me via Facebook/e-mail/RealID. I don't hide much on here.
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Old 03-25-2011, 11:28 AM
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Gracias, amigo. I will do so.
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Old 03-27-2011, 10:53 PM
Orifiel Whitedeer Orifiel Whitedeer is offline

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Woosh I missed that whole exchange. I guess I should point out a few things:

1) I played horde and am a lore master on both sides (well pre cata anyway -_- sigh) and Sylvannas always struck me as a character who is warped, yes. Evil? I'm not so sure. Pre cata: She is a victim in some respects and an abuser in others. Post Cata: well on her way to becoming a Lich Queen if she's not careful. So I think a story like this could be plausible in my mind. Would she truly "forsake" her memories and etc and kill her sister or does the old ranger general still exist? I think that's where I was going with this...

2) I was wasted when I wrote this. If I were sober it probably wouldn't be here. Some people seemed to like it so I left it here.

3) I do everything in ms word, run spell check, and etc. I don't really know why there are so many typos everywhere other than the logical conclusion that ms word hates me and so does my auto-correcting brain. I need a beta reader big time and I'm fortunate to have DA pming me with Straydog Saga and helping me catch things I wouldn't normally pick up on and catching all those evil typos.
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Old 03-29-2011, 12:05 PM
Beruthiel Beruthiel is offline

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Anything's possible or even likely when one is visited by an aggravated case of bent-elbow syndrome. The spirits (liquid or otherwise) move you but, alas, they don't beta!
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Old 03-29-2011, 12:47 PM
Royalpimp Royalpimp is offline

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You didn't continue it.

Shame on you!
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And Lordaeron

ffs I'm the only one who cares aren't I
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And that is the Drama to being part of the Horde. There are people out there who want you dead. You honestly can’t blame them. Do you lie down and die for them? No. You enjoy the challenge. You keep your head up and move forward.
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Old 03-29-2011, 06:01 PM
Orifiel Whitedeer Orifiel Whitedeer is offline

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Lol but royal pimp, i have so much Straydog to write. Speaking of...
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Old 03-29-2011, 06:16 PM
Royalpimp Royalpimp is offline

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I would read more then the first page of your 'Straydog' thread if I had time. I like how you write and was looking forward to seeing some short works
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And Lordaeron

ffs I'm the only one who cares aren't I
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And that is the Drama to being part of the Horde. There are people out there who want you dead. You honestly can’t blame them. Do you lie down and die for them? No. You enjoy the challenge. You keep your head up and move forward.
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Old 03-29-2011, 06:54 PM
Orifiel Whitedeer Orifiel Whitedeer is offline

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Aww well thanks, but I'm nor really all that good with short stuff. Poems yes, epic sagas that go one foeeeever yes but middle of the road is a little harder for me to do. I'll see if I think of anything.
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