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Old 08-30-2010, 11:00 PM
Cantus Cantus is offline

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Hmmm, where to start. Well I'd say we need to rename a few characters. Names like Lachdanan don't roll off the tongue too well, much less get through to American audiences, so we'd need to shorten it or find some way to make it slightly less "fantasy." Same goes for the general dialogue, it's too formal, especially for a peasant mob (and yeah, I would've done the same thing too).

The idea that we reveal Lazarus' betrayal this early seems a bit much. I do agree we need to find a way to show something's off about the entire place, including the Archbishop, just not quite so obvious. Maybe instead of following them down there, he locks them in to "keep the kidnappers from escaping behind the mob," or something along those lines.

In terms of having the peasants massacred so early, yeah it has to happen. It sets up zombies/skeletons perfectly, not to mention you can have random survivors who can be traps (insane or just naive) for the Heroes' party. I dont' think we should have the Butcher in the forefront of the fray though. Maybe placing him behind the imps and other demons, just a foreboding figure who's visage you can barely make out in the torch light, that way it's not about sudden massive weapons cleaving through people. That and I don't think the carnage should be in darkness. More that the camera recedes from the screaming and people being pulled back by chains and such and then we see Lazarus praying over the trap door before locking everything in place. It keeps the ambiguity of his allegiance up and let's things switch up from the cliche of "innocent victims die, fade to black."

Hmmm, getting agreement on everything will require a lot of actual storyboarding. How about this, I'll setup a Skype chat tommorrow evening and interested parties can hash things out in real time. That way this will progress faster than a post a day and less need for lengthy back and forths.
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Old 08-31-2010, 08:32 AM
Rashid Rashid is offline

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Hmm, I see what you're saying about trying to avoid the cliches. We definitely need to have some storyboarding happen to get things moving and have a cohesive train of thought.

Given your other comments, I'll explain a little about why I went with this direction. I was aiming to keep events accurate, using this as a reference. There's quite a bit of background with Leoric prior to the scene I wrote, but I figured all that could be retold at appropriate points in the story.

In the game, your first quest is given to you by a survivor of the archbishop's treachery. He tells you right from the get go that Lazarus has betrayed them and led them to the butcher's lair. Lazarus himself is gone at this point, which is why I had him go with the mob and stand by while they were killed. Game events don't have to flow exactly, but we should use them as a general guideline since that's all we really have.

I rather like the name Lachdanan, but I understand if you want to tweak the names to avoid confusing the audience, but we should keep doing that to a minimum since it's a little off-putting for fans who are familiar. The mob's formality does seem out of place when I read it over, so we should certainly change that.

Around when were you thinking to do the chat? I'm free generally after 8:30pm EST.
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  #28  
Old 08-31-2010, 05:54 PM
Cantus Cantus is offline

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Edit: Alright, 8:30 EST confirmed. My skype account is attached to the oft repeated (censored) so anyone who's interested/bored/willing should jump on and we'll get the storyboarding started up.

Edit2: In the meantime I've gotta cook dinner for los tropas. I'll see everyone here around 8:20.

Edit 3: Alright I'm pulling a once a month executive privilege...

bump

...come on people, you know you want to get online and talk about this. Otherwise Rashid and I are going to get all the nerd glory and hot bitches! (or was it the other way around?)

Edit4: Now Aldrius is in on it too...hurry before spots close up.
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Last edited by Cantus; 09-30-2010 at 10:57 PM..
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